Have Anxiety and Depression??

Rahul718

This thread really resonates with me because I unfortunately suffer from OCD and social anxiety. OCD is a type of anxiety and many people misuse the term - “you’re so OCD”, etc. OCD is a much more serious condition than needing things placed in a certain way, for example. I have OCD particularly about the longevity of my things - I take good care of my things because I want them to outlive me. Sounds weird right? And if something is “off” with any of my possessions I get anxiety and need it fixed ASAP.

I have OCD particularly around my health so you can call me a hypochondriac. I grew up watching MS take away my older brother’s livelihood and always feared it would hit me next. So I would fixate on every single neurological occurance I felt, whether it was tingling, numbness, etc. I was googling symptoms all the time and used it as a way of reassurance. Eventually I caved and went to the neurologist SEVERAL times, even after my cleared me several times.

It got so bad that on New Year’s Eve I was going though a bout of self testing and reassurance seeking that at 11:50pm when everyone was in the living room counting down and having a good time laughing, I was in the bathroom doing self testing for something called the Lhermitte’s sign . Google it if you want, but basically a positive Lhermittes Sign is not normal and could mean MS. I did this maybe 100 times because each time I did it and felt nothing I just could not stop. I only stopped when it felt “just right” - whatever that means.

I’m past this stage now but have OCD about other things. It’s like I always need to fixate and worrying about something and I hate it. Two years ago I had terrible OCD about my Nismo 370z where I thought I felt a grind in 5th gear. It never happened again but that one time stuck with me and I feared it would happen again so I went to the dealer and told them that the car is grinding in 5th gear ALL the time. It’s likely that what I felt was notchiness and is normal with this car, but you can’t reason with an OCD mind. Dealer couldn’t replicate it and said it was fine. After repeated attempts and me going back several times they finally gave in and put a new transmission in just to make me happy. Now that I look back, the first one was probably just fine and I feel terrible for having them go through the trouble of putting a new transmission in.

OCD aside, I have pretty bad social anxiety. Always wondering what people are thinking of me and if they’re judging me. When I get anxious in speaking I usually stutter, which brings on more anxiety and then my voice gets low. I’m in a new job in corporate America that requires engaging different stakeholders, being on conference calls and speaking up at large meetings. I’ve already gotten constructive feedback from my peers that I don’t seem confident when I’m delivering content or engaging an audience, and that’s the truth. I want the speaking part to be over ASAP. So I decided to enroll in Toastmasters because I heard such great things about it. I hope this does the trick. I’m willing to change and try new things and I hear that’s half the battle.

I did see a psychologist for two years straight who was great and made of aware of things I never knew and recommmemded Exposure and Response therapy, which I gradually am implementing everyday. I was also on Paxil for two months but that did nothing.

It took a lot for me to comment here because it’s such a personal thing that I hate talking about but this is a supportive group and I’m curious if anyone else is my shoes too

JTM88

I've never been officially diagnosed with anxiety, but I'm pretty sure I have it along with self esteem issues. Whenever I'm in a slightly uncomfortable situation I feel like I shut down.

For example when I went to the job interview for the company I'm at now I felt like I couldn't even walk through the parking garage. All I could feel was this giant weight on my body and all I wanted to do was sit down in the corner. The thing was I was perfectly qualified for the job and had the exact experience they were looking for, and I new that, but I still felt like I couldn't move.

I started going back to college last year and so far I've been doing great Last semester I had a 3.5 GPA and so far this semester I have a 4.0. However I'm terrified of public speaking, and not just like a little uncomfortable, but like I feel like I can't function. So the only class I'm worried about taking is public speaking. And the thing is I know it's not a big deal. I genuinely don't really care what other people think, but something in my mind says otherwise.

I also have this thing where no matter what I accomplish I never feel like it's any thing special. In my mind I think that since other people have done this then of course I should be able to do it. It really sucks, because things that other people get excited about doing I just feel ho hum about.

So, yeah, I don't really know what to do about it.

Sorry if it doesn't make sense, but I don't really talk about my struggles much. I usually just try to cover them up with jokes.

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osbornsm

OMG dude you have no idea how much this makes sense to me. I don't get excited about anything, i don't give myself "credit" for accomplishments, just the same.

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osbornsm

I'm glad i could do something that resonates with people. Whether it be good / bad, this is a FORUM after all!!

There's someone worse off than you
There's someone better off than you

Either way, we're supportive (minus a few a-holes), but that's just humanity.

mults

I think everyone at some point in their lives have had anxiety/depression symptoms. While it may become chronic in certain, predisposed people, there are those who experience it as a temporary condition. I've had my share of symptoms during my 63 years of existence, but it was probably something that was innate in me that allowed it not to consume my entire life.

Others (like my wife) were raised in a different environment than me which allowed the symptoms to become a more normal way of life. I could never understand why she was the way she was until I learned more about her parents, and in particular, her upbringing and family dynamics. They were never nurturing, hardly ever showed affection for one another; and this was a 180° departure from the way I grew up.

Now that I've seen these "environmental" issues that shes had to contend with (as a child and young adult), I often wonder how she became as "normal" as she is today. It's not always your fault when you become anxious or depressed, it has a lot to do what you've endured/had to overcome that plays an important role in how you learn to deal with this thing called "life".

Being surrounded by loved ones, family, friends and co-workers who understand what one is going through can be life-altering. It's hard to stay positive 100% of the time, but it's how you handle the lows that makes it so rewarding when you hit the highs. Just remember, you are not alone in your struggles...

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Hotrodz

A lot folks which struggle with anxiety don't really have or chemical imbalance or anything cognitive going as it can be a learned trait do to how one was raised. This my wife's struggle as well her three sisters that all act like there mom. My wife is the only one that has taken steps to cope through counseling and medication. She was raised in a legalistic tea totalling southern Baptist family and they don't want to admit they have issues even though they know it's true. You know God will heal you and you will be okay. I say God has given us each other and the means to heal our selves. There is no healing if we aren't willing to make an effort. I like the way my aunt explained it to me...hope in one hand and chit in the other and see which one fills up the fastest!

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JTM88

What is toastmasters?


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