Have Anxiety and Depression??

Rahul718

This thread really resonates with me because I unfortunately suffer from OCD and social anxiety. OCD is a type of anxiety and many people misuse the term - “you’re so OCD”, etc. OCD is a much more serious condition than needing things placed in a certain way, for example. I have OCD particularly about the longevity of my things - I take good care of my things because I want them to outlive me. Sounds weird right? And if something is “off” with any of my possessions I get anxiety and need it fixed ASAP.

I have OCD particularly around my health so you can call me a hypochondriac. I grew up watching MS take away my older brother’s livelihood and always feared it would hit me next. So I would fixate on every single neurological occurance I felt, whether it was tingling, numbness, etc. I was googling symptoms all the time and used it as a way of reassurance. Eventually I caved and went to the neurologist SEVERAL times, even after my cleared me several times.

It got so bad that on New Year’s Eve I was going though a bout of self testing and reassurance seeking that at 11:50pm when everyone was in the living room counting down and having a good time laughing, I was in the bathroom doing self testing for something called the Lhermitte’s sign . Google it if you want, but basically a positive Lhermittes Sign is not normal and could mean MS. I did this maybe 100 times because each time I did it and felt nothing I just could not stop. I only stopped when it felt “just right” - whatever that means.

I’m past this stage now but have OCD about other things. It’s like I always need to fixate and worrying about something and I hate it. Two years ago I had terrible OCD about my Nismo 370z where I thought I felt a grind in 5th gear. It never happened again but that one time stuck with me and I feared it would happen again so I went to the dealer and told them that the car is grinding in 5th gear ALL the time. It’s likely that what I felt was notchiness and is normal with this car, but you can’t reason with an OCD mind. Dealer couldn’t replicate it and said it was fine. After repeated attempts and me going back several times they finally gave in and put a new transmission in just to make me happy. Now that I look back, the first one was probably just fine and I feel terrible for having them go through the trouble of putting a new transmission in.

OCD aside, I have pretty bad social anxiety. Always wondering what people are thinking of me and if they’re judging me. When I get anxious in speaking I usually stutter, which brings on more anxiety and then my voice gets low. I’m in a new job in corporate America that requires engaging different stakeholders, being on conference calls and speaking up at large meetings. I’ve already gotten constructive feedback from my peers that I don’t seem confident when I’m delivering content or engaging an audience, and that’s the truth. I want the speaking part to be over ASAP. So I decided to enroll in Toastmasters because I heard such great things about it. I hope this does the trick. I’m willing to change and try new things and I hear that’s half the battle.

I did see a psychologist for two years straight who was great and made of aware of things I never knew and recommmemded Exposure and Response therapy, which I gradually am implementing everyday. I was also on Paxil for two months but that did nothing.

It took a lot for me to comment here because it’s such a personal thing that I hate talking about but this is a supportive group and I’m curious if anyone else is my shoes too

JTM88

I've never been officially diagnosed with anxiety, but I'm pretty sure I have it along with self esteem issues. Whenever I'm in a slightly uncomfortable situation I feel like I shut down.

For example when I went to the job interview for the company I'm at now I felt like I couldn't even walk through the parking garage. All I could feel was this giant weight on my body and all I wanted to do was sit down in the corner. The thing was I was perfectly qualified for the job and had the exact experience they were looking for, and I new that, but I still felt like I couldn't move.

I started going back to college last year and so far I've been doing great Last semester I had a 3.5 GPA and so far this semester I have a 4.0. However I'm terrified of public speaking, and not just like a little uncomfortable, but like I feel like I can't function. So the only class I'm worried about taking is public speaking. And the thing is I know it's not a big deal. I genuinely don't really care what other people think, but something in my mind says otherwise.

I also have this thing where no matter what I accomplish I never feel like it's any thing special. In my mind I think that since other people have done this then of course I should be able to do it. It really sucks, because things that other people get excited about doing I just feel ho hum about.

So, yeah, I don't really know what to do about it.

Sorry if it doesn't make sense, but I don't really talk about my struggles much. I usually just try to cover them up with jokes.

__________________

osbornsm

OMG dude you have no idea how much this makes sense to me. I don't get excited about anything, i don't give myself "credit" for accomplishments, just the same.

__________________

osbornsm

I'm glad i could do something that resonates with people. Whether it be good / bad, this is a FORUM after all!!

There's someone worse off than you
There's someone better off than you

Either way, we're supportive (minus a few a-holes), but that's just humanity.