Still think about my Ex-GF...

Bad Boy · 03-13-2015, 12:34 AM

Hey guys, I come here today to try and vent and understand myself. Maybe some of you more experienced older men or woman can give me some advice, tips, or knowledge...

I had a girlfriend that I met about 3 years ago. We had what seemed like the most perfect relationship. We cherished each other, cared for each other, and loved each other more than anything. We always hung out when we had the time and we always spoke all the time. We mostly never argued, ever.

We had sex about 2 times a week, and she was a virgin when I met her. (we didnt live together, were both fairly young and go to school).

But then towards the end of our relationship, its like all of a sudden out of no where, everything just vanished. Its like in one week she suddenly didnt love me as much as I did her. (to be honest we did have a little bit of an argument prior to this, but it was stupid really).
Ive never cheated on her and she promises she has never cheated on me or left because of some other guy.

We spoke again like 6 months later and then a year later (a Hi hows life type of conversation) and she still doesnt really give me closure as to why our relationship ended. I feel as if neither of us did anything to end it...
What bothers me is just when I feel like I have moved on, I still think about her almost every day, even though I know I shouldnt. Even when im crushing on other girls.

Last time we spoke she said she hasnt met anyone, that she doesnt have time, etc... (idk if shes just saying that, but I believe her).

But idk how to feel. Ive been with two other girls since her, and only had sex with one. It didnt last long, she didnt seem as good a person as my ex. And even then I still think about her.
I feel as if ill never meet anyone again. And that makes me feel very sad and depressed sometimes.

I work full time and go to school full time, but it seems as if ill never find a girl right for me. And I also feel like even if I did, I wouldnt have time, because of work and school...

Im tired of feeling lonely and sad. I just came here to see what you guys think?

Bad Boy · 03-13-2015, 12:37 AM

Anyone else that has dealt with these feelings? how did you cope?
Sometimes I think its pathetic really that I still think about her, even though we havent spoken in a year.
Sometimes I wonder if she thinks about me or if she has completely forgotten me...
I try to forget, but I feel that until I find another girl to be serious with, I wont get over her.

90 ST · 03-13-2015, 01:01 AM

Sounds like you need to go for a long drive in your Z.

But really if it was meant to be it will happened, all you can do is move on with life. A long time ago I met a cool chick she like going for long drives, like the same music, etc. we went out for for 2-3 years and we both realized at the time we wanted different things and went our separate ways. we would still talk now and again, the same sort of hey how's it going in passing. about 2 years later we met up to talk about things and have been back together since.
Hang in there.

Jordo! · 03-13-2015, 02:24 AM

All of that -- for better or worse (and maybe a bit of both) -- is very, very normal. You will fall in love again (and possibly repeat this whole procedure...). But then another, and so on.

Eventually, people get a bit better at minimizing the part where you have to rinse and repeat. Not everyone get's it perfect (and probably no one does), but people do tend to get a bit better at it as they better learn who they are and who others are (inter- and intrapersonal intelligence, say).

However, it's rarely at your age.

You are in your 20's and so is she I'm guessing, so both of you are still a ways a way from having a good sense of who you are, where you are going in life, how to put yourself in another person's shoes, etc.

That may all sound cliche, but it is more true than not. And that is (although it might not seem that way at the moment) a good thing, because it means there is much to look forward to.

I would give her some space and live your life. Perhaps you two will get back, perhaps you will find someone you get along better with (and perhaps both... that happens too).

In the meantime, go easy on yourself and on her and on the lack of a good reason for things not working out. Unfortunately, there doesn't need to be a deeper bigger reason.

Looking for a "reason" will probably not comfort you because you won't like the answer you arrive at (no matter what it is or where blame is placed, or any blame at all is placed), and because you want to avoid trying to reverse engineer the theorized cause(s), which will more likely lead to ruminating glumly than feeling better and finding closure.

On the bright side, you have gone through this without a divorce and with many, many more opportunities (good and bad... life's a bit of a sine wave...) ahead of you.

Accept that as best you can, and continue to focus on moving forward rather than on what's left behind.

You cope by sighing, accepting, moving on, learning how to better manage your own emotions, balance your needs and wants with those of another, and ruminating as little as possible.

One foot in front of the other.

Support of friends (I don't know if we faceless Z forum folk count...) and keeping the promise of new romances in mind is probably the best bet.

Indeed, hang in there.

DEpointfive0 · 03-13-2015, 02:40 AM

Hey, I'm in a similar boat, gf never told me why it ended, just one day, pretty much stopped replying and pushed me away, no argument, nothing.

Fúcking sucks áss brother...

Unfortunately, time heals all... Sometimes it just takes a LOT of time...

blackcherry20 · 03-13-2015, 06:34 AM

I'm sorry you're miserable. This too shall pass. Enjoy the memories and stay busy. That will help. My husband and I went through a 6 month break up. I felt like you are describing. In order to get closure i finally contacted him. Told him point blank how I felt and let go. I felt so much better. Omg. Happy ending though as he called me and we ended up marrying less than 6 months later. Not saying that will happen for you but it did for me. Maybe you should try that. Declare and move on. If she reciprocates. Ok. If she doesnt. Ok. At least You did what you could.

Meulen · 03-13-2015, 07:27 AM

What are you wasting your time writing crap on the internet for? Go out and chase some tail. Your young, this stuff happens from time to time in life. Looking back at how many times this has happened to me or people I know, all I can tell you is it's just going to happen. Move on, chase some more tail, wash/rinse/repeat. Eventually you will find the one and it will just hit you like a ton of bricks. You'll get married and then be in for a whole new set of problems!!! lol

eastwest2300 · 03-13-2015, 07:35 AM

Im in the same boat too, it is what it is though, we gotta move on, there are other fish in the sea..

FPenvy · 03-13-2015, 08:04 AM

Joker_J · 03-13-2015, 08:04 AM

Plenty of fish in the sea man, especially if your in FL haha
Also you have a beautiful fairlady!

Don't let one girl ruin your happiness man, no one should get in the way of your happiness. Just move on and don't show her any emotions, because if you do, she knows that you will take her back no matter what. (Even if she is dating/seeing someone.)

SS_Firehawk · 03-13-2015, 08:18 AM

I recommend you focus on you. Block out all that noise in your head and just focus on what you need to get to the next level. Then buy turbos and car parts before another girl swoops in and ruins all that fun.

rooftop · 03-13-2015, 08:26 AM

Chuck33079 · 03-13-2015, 08:55 AM

You are way, way too young to get hung up on one. They made tons of them. Go test drive as many as possible. Worry about finding one long term once you hit 30. For now, bang everything that crosses your path.

No contact with the ex.

rooftop · 03-13-2015, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuck33079

You are way, way too young to get hung up on one. They made tons of them. Go test drive as many as possible. Worry about finding one long term once you hit 30. For now, bang everything that crosses your path.

No contact with the ex.

I just hit 31 and I want to bang everything that crosses my path lol. I think I'll find a long term one when I turn 40

Chuck33079 · 03-13-2015, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rooftop

I just hit 31 and I want to bang everything that crosses my path lol. I think I'll find a long term one when I turn 40

Yeah, but you're a special case.

03-13-2015, 12:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
Bad Boy Enthusiast Member Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Orlando Age: 33 Posts: 295 Drives: 370Z 6SPD Touring Rep Power: 10	Still think about my Ex-GF... Hey guys, I come here today to try and vent and understand myself. Maybe some of you more experienced older men or woman can give me some advice, tips, or knowledge... I had a girlfriend that I met about 3 years ago. We had what seemed like the most perfect relationship. We cherished each other, cared for each other, and loved each other more than anything. We always hung out when we had the time and we always spoke all the time. We mostly never argued, ever. We had sex about 2 times a week, and she was a virgin when I met her. (we didnt live together, were both fairly young and go to school). But then towards the end of our relationship, its like all of a sudden out of no where, everything just vanished. Its like in one week she suddenly didnt love me as much as I did her. (to be honest we did have a little bit of an argument prior to this, but it was stupid really). Ive never cheated on her and she promises she has never cheated on me or left because of some other guy. We spoke again like 6 months later and then a year later (a Hi hows life type of conversation) and she still doesnt really give me closure as to why our relationship ended. I feel as if neither of us did anything to end it... What bothers me is just when I feel like I have moved on, I still think about her almost every day, even though I know I shouldnt. Even when im crushing on other girls. Last time we spoke she said she hasnt met anyone, that she doesnt have time, etc... (idk if shes just saying that, but I believe her). But idk how to feel. Ive been with two other girls since her, and only had sex with one. It didnt last long, she didnt seem as good a person as my ex. And even then I still think about her. I feel as if ill never meet anyone again. And that makes me feel very sad and depressed sometimes. I work full time and go to school full time, but it seems as if ill never find a girl right for me. And I also feel like even if I did, I wouldnt have time, because of work and school... Im tired of feeling lonely and sad. I just came here to see what you guys think? Last edited by Bad Boy; 03-13-2015 at 01:14 AM.

03-13-2015, 02:24 AM	#4 (permalink)
Jordo! A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2010 Location: nirvana Posts: 6,394 Drives: 2023 NATM Rep Power: 417	All of that -- for better or worse (and maybe a bit of both) -- is very, very normal. You will fall in love again (and possibly repeat this whole procedure...). But then another, and so on. Eventually, people get a bit better at minimizing the part where you have to rinse and repeat. Not everyone get's it perfect (and probably no one does), but people do tend to get a bit better at it as they better learn who they are and who others are (inter- and intrapersonal intelligence, say). However, it's rarely at your age. You are in your 20's and so is she I'm guessing, so both of you are still a ways a way from having a good sense of who you are, where you are going in life, how to put yourself in another person's shoes, etc. That may all sound cliche, but it is more true than not. And that is (although it might not seem that way at the moment) a good thing, because it means there is much to look forward to. I would give her some space and live your life. Perhaps you two will get back, perhaps you will find someone you get along better with (and perhaps both... that happens too). In the meantime, go easy on yourself and on her and on the lack of a good reason for things not working out. Unfortunately, there doesn't need to be a deeper bigger reason. Looking for a "reason" will probably not comfort you because you won't like the answer you arrive at (no matter what it is or where blame is placed, or any blame at all is placed), and because you want to avoid trying to reverse engineer the theorized cause(s), which will more likely lead to ruminating glumly than feeling better and finding closure. On the bright side, you have gone through this without a divorce and with many, many more opportunities (good and bad... life's a bit of a sine wave...) ahead of you. Accept that as best you can, and continue to focus on moving forward rather than on what's left behind. You cope by sighing, accepting, moving on, learning how to better manage your own emotions, balance your needs and wants with those of another, and ruminating as little as possible. One foot in front of the other. Support of friends (I don't know if we faceless Z forum folk count...) and keeping the promise of new romances in mind is probably the best bet. Indeed, hang in there. jaybulls, P's_Z, Memphis370Z and 1 others like this. __________________ Enjoy it. Destroy it. Last edited by Jordo!; 03-13-2015 at 02:27 AM.

03-13-2015, 02:40 AM	#5 (permalink)
DEpointfive0 Premium Member Bitches Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: SoCal Posts: 14,824 Drives: a lot Rep Power: 17151	Hey, I'm in a similar boat, gf never told me why it ended, just one day, pretty much stopped replying and pushed me away, no argument, nothing. Fúcking sucks áss brother... Unfortunately, time heals all... Sometimes it just takes a LOT of time... __________________ Do YOU want to know what/where I got my username from? ( Click to show/hide ) NSFW due to language:

03-13-2015, 06:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
blackcherry20 A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2012 Location: Southern Ohio Posts: 22,749 Drives: ‘17 badazz Z51 Rep Power: 240458	I'm sorry you're miserable. This too shall pass. Enjoy the memories and stay busy. That will help. My husband and I went through a 6 month break up. I felt like you are describing. In order to get closure i finally contacted him. Told him point blank how I felt and let go. I felt so much better. Omg. Happy ending though as he called me and we ended up marrying less than 6 months later. Not saying that will happen for you but it did for me. Maybe you should try that. Declare and move on. If she reciprocates. Ok. If she doesnt. Ok. At least You did what you could. DEpointfive0 likes this. __________________ Grand Sport Corvette Arctic White

03-13-2015, 07:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
Meulen A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Romeoville, IL Posts: 1,093 Drives: 2010 370z 40th Rep Power: 3389	What are you wasting your time writing crap on the internet for? Go out and chase some tail. Your young, this stuff happens from time to time in life. Looking back at how many times this has happened to me or people I know, all I can tell you is it's just going to happen. Move on, chase some more tail, wash/rinse/repeat. Eventually you will find the one and it will just hit you like a ton of bricks. You'll get married and then be in for a whole new set of problems!!! lol blackcherry20, binary0x01, Leroydsouza and 2 others like this. __________________ Follow my build thread here: Meulens Build Journal

03-13-2015, 12:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
Bad Boy Enthusiast Member Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Orlando Age: 33 Posts: 295 Drives: 370Z 6SPD Touring Rep Power: 10	Anyone else that has dealt with these feelings? how did you cope? Sometimes I think its pathetic really that I still think about her, even though we havent spoken in a year. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks about me or if she has completely forgotten me... I try to forget, but I feel that until I find another girl to be serious with, I wont get over her.

03-13-2015, 01:01 AM	#3 (permalink)
90 ST A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2010 Location: Calgary Posts: 1,861 Drives: 90 and 15 GMC Sierra Rep Power: 420	Sounds like you need to go for a long drive in your Z. But really if it was meant to be it will happened, all you can do is move on with life. A long time ago I met a cool chick she like going for long drives, like the same music, etc. we went out for for 2-3 years and we both realized at the time we wanted different things and went our separate ways. we would still talk now and again, the same sort of hey how's it going in passing. about 2 years later we met up to talk about things and have been back together since. Hang in there.

03-13-2015, 07:35 AM	#8 (permalink)
eastwest2300 A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2010 Location: South FL Posts: 90,817 Drives: '16QX70/'21 Supra3.0 Rep Power: 2684549	Im in the same boat too, it is what it is though, we gotta move on, there are other fish in the sea.. blackcherry20 likes this. __________________ Infiniti QX70 & Toyota Supra 3.0 Premium

03-13-2015, 08:04 AM	#10 (permalink)
Joker_J Track Member Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: The Ville, KY Posts: 576 Drives: 2014 NISSAN 370Z Rep Power: 12	Plenty of fish in the sea man, especially if your in FL haha Also you have a beautiful fairlady! Don't let one girl ruin your happiness man, no one should get in the way of your happiness. Just move on and don't show her any emotions, because if you do, she knows that you will take her back no matter what. (Even if she is dating/seeing someone.)

03-13-2015, 08:18 AM	#11 (permalink)
SS_Firehawk Premium Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Tampa Posts: 4,142 Drives: 13' Magma Red Nismo Rep Power: 7334	I recommend you focus on you. Block out all that noise in your head and just focus on what you need to get to the next level. Then buy turbos and car parts before another girl swoops in and ruins all that fun. TerribleONE and Joker_J like this. __________________ Old Car:GTM TSC'd 550whp / 410lbft tq @ 11.88PSI New Car: Under Construction

03-13-2015, 08:26 AM	#12 (permalink)
rooftop A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: roof Age: 13 Posts: 5,704 Drives: 🔰 Rep Power: 129042	Joker_J and Camo500EFI like this. __________________

03-13-2015, 08:55 AM	#13 (permalink)
Chuck33079 A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Houston Posts: 12,265 Drives: 2011 370ztt Rep Power: 29538	You are way, way too young to get hung up on one. They made tons of them. Go test drive as many as possible. Worry about finding one long term once you hit 30. For now, bang everything that crosses your path. No contact with the ex. TerribleONE, BeemaaZ, DEpointfive0 and 6 others like this. __________________ 2011 MB Touring-Sport-6sp-Nav/GTM TT/FI TT TDX/JTran/Kosmic/Eibach/Hotchkis/SPC/CSF/RPS/SoThatsWhereAllMyMoneyWent