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Originally Posted by Togo Well since you're all caught up, I guess I should start updating it. I'm shocked at you Phelan, you really haven't been hounding me to update
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05-07-2010, 02:59 PM
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#691 (permalink) | |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tottenham, ON
Age: 36
Posts: 1,340
Drives: My first car
Rep Power: 22   |
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05-07-2010, 03:07 PM
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#692 (permalink) | |
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WFLYIDNNE
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In The Fastlane
Posts: 50,648
Drives: 02 GDB WRX
Rep Power: 451 |
Quote:
Suspicious Package
__________________
 Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall! R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14 |
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05-07-2010, 03:08 PM
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#693 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
TOP 8 MORONS
1 . WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up." 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. 5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!". 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)! 8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everthing in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER.....THIS IS TRUE..... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan |
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05-07-2010, 03:18 PM
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#694 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
One night a lady pregnant with triplets was walking by and a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her in the stomach three times.
Her docter told her that he couldn't perform surgery because it would be too risky. All was well for 16 years when one of the girls came running into the room crying. "Whats wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a pee and a bullet came out". "It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the other girl came running into the room crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?" "Yes" replied the girl. "It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy came running in crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out. "No" replied the boy, "I was playing with myself and shot the dog!!!!!!!!"
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This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan |
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05-07-2010, 03:19 PM
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#695 (permalink) | |
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WFLYIDNNE
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In The Fastlane
Posts: 50,648
Drives: 02 GDB WRX
Rep Power: 451 |
Quote:
 as work. I'm supposed to be serious here! 
__________________
Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall! R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14 |
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05-07-2010, 03:19 PM
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#696 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
Two tampons were crossing the street and they see a friend. Which one waves?
Neither, they are both stuck up cunts.
__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan |
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05-07-2010, 03:19 PM
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#697 (permalink) | |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
Quote:
__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan |
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05-07-2010, 03:21 PM
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#698 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office. Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest. The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted. "I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said. "I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan |
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05-07-2010, 03:33 PM
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#699 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tottenham, ON
Age: 36
Posts: 1,340
Drives: My first car
Rep Power: 22 |
Lol Chris, I saw that thread. I'm stuck in traffic, and in an hour and a half I have to be ready to dj a birthday party. The bad part is I won't be home for another hour
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05-07-2010, 03:43 PM
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#700 (permalink) | |
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WFLYIDNNE
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In The Fastlane
Posts: 50,648
Drives: 02 GDB WRX
Rep Power: 451 |
Quote:
Are you sure this was at the pentagon, and not at a TSA Screener?
__________________
Bonnie - Stage 2, Audio build coming this fall! R.I.P. Abby 3/29/10 - 3/30/14 |
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05-07-2010, 03:45 PM
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#701 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Euless, TX [ DFW ]
Age: 41
Posts: 13,531
Drives: Nismo 09-0183 QAB
Rep Power: 48 |
__________________
 2009 NISMO # 0193 | QAB | Albums! | 05.04.10 (Dynojet) 291.94hp/248.28tq Oil Cooler (DIY) | Custom Headlights | GTSPEC Braces | F.I. Long Tube Headers |
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05-07-2010, 03:47 PM
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#702 (permalink) | |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
Quote:
__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan |
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05-10-2010, 05:34 PM
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#703 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
WISDOM - FROM THE MILITARY MANUAL
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance. ------------------------------------------------------ "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher ------------------------------------------------------ "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S. Marine Corps ------------------------------------------------------ "Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop ------------------------------------------------------ "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal ----------------------------------------------------- "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual ------------------------------------------------------ "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General Macarthur ----------------------------------------------------- "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal ------------------------------------------------------ "You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt. ------------------------------------------------------ "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance - ----------------------------------------------------- "Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal ------------------------------------------------------- "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything." - U.S. Navy Swabbie --------------------------------------------------- "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth ------------------------------------------------------- "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal - -------------------------------------------------------- "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay ------------------------------------------------------ "Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once." ------------------------------------------------------ "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit ------------------------------------------------------- "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies ------------------------------------------------------- "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop ------------------------------------------------------- "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena , Japan ------------------------------------------------------- "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot) ------------------------------------------------------- "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire." ------------------------------------------------------- "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." - From an old carrier sailor ------------------------------------------------------ "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe." ------------------------------------------------------- "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash." ------------------------------------------------------- "Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club." ------------------------------------------------------- "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies." ------------------------------------------------------- "Never trade luck for skill." ------------------------------------------------------- The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" And "Oh S...!" ------------------------------------------------------ "Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant." ------------------------------------------------------- "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight." ------------------------------------------------------- "A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication." ------------------------------------------------------- "I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous." --------------------------------------------------------- "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!" ------------------------------------------------------- "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it." -------------------------------------------------------- "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) ------------------------------------------------------- "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970 --------------------------------------------------------- "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to." --------------------------------------------------------- "You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal." -------------------------------------------------------------- As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot) Gravity works, I've tested it....often!!!
__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan |
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05-11-2010, 04:10 PM
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#705 (permalink) |
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A True Z Fanatic
Join Date: May 2009
Location: E. Northport, NY
Posts: 7,597
Drives: Stuff
Rep Power: 657 |
A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco, Crisssssssco.
Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, "Sir, the Crisco is on aisle 3. The old guy replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife, She's in here somewhere" The clerk is astonished. "Your wife's name is Crisco?" The old guy answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public." "I see," said the clerk. "What do you call her at home?" "Lard ass."
__________________
This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan |
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