Joke of the Day

Togo · 04-08-2010, 02:56 PM

Paddy the Irishman is at the doctors office and the doctor is looking in his mouth and says "Paddy what in the world made your tongue so black?"

Paddy replies "I dropped me bottle of whiskey on a freshly tarred road."

Togo · 04-08-2010, 02:57 PM

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked."

Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001"

XwChriswX · 04-08-2010, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

It was the first day of school in Mobile, Alabama, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked."

Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001"

Edited for Correct location.

Togo · 04-08-2010, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XwChriswX

Edited for Correct location.

hahah

To US NY'ers, anyone south of Jersey might as well all be the same.. hahaha

frost · 04-19-2010, 08:22 PM

ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg **** you you ******* prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight *******
cyph33r: YOU ARE A ******* FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I ******* HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: **** OFF YOU ******* *******

QDB: Quote #829281

ejrives · 04-19-2010, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frost

ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: what
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
ruide: haha
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
ruide: bubblegal_14
cyph33r: wtf
cyph33r: omg **** you you ******* prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight *******
cyph33r: YOU ARE A ******* FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I ******* HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: **** OFF YOU ******* *******

QDB: Quote #829281

hahaha, I love bash.org ; it's my favorite!

vipor · 04-19-2010, 11:09 PM

It's so bad that I get this. It actually made me laugh out loud

QDB: Quote #2550

Code:

<limited7> i have for(n = 1; n < 99; n = n /2) why is it loopin forever?

vipor · 04-19-2010, 11:11 PM

<_p> my lack of morals has absolutely nothing to do with my loins.
<_p> it just so happens that many immoral acts that are genuinely worth doing involve my dick.

vipor · 04-19-2010, 11:13 PM

<Draven> w0ot. 150 MB porn movie done!
<kaMIKazE> nice
<+RedvaldezAWAY> not bad Cow
<@murder1> wd d/l a 150 mb movie when all you're gonna last is at 500kb

Guys, I'm hooked....

frost · 04-25-2010, 01:10 PM

[IMG]A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown. He notices a small bronze statue of a rat. He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it". The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat. As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him. He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him. He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown. The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story". The guys says, "no, I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers?"[/IMG]

370Zsteve · 04-27-2010, 10:36 AM

A journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day,
for a long, long time.
She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray. "Pardon me, sir, I'm from CNN. What's your name?... See More
“Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
He replied, "For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?", she asked.
He said, "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.
I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.
I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
She asked, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a fukkin' wall."

370ZGhost · 04-27-2010, 11:26 AM

a inventor goes down to the patent office, he has created a flavored apple. he has created an apple that tastes like roast beef. hes very excited, takes his ticket at the office and takes a seat,... he waits... and waits...his ticket number is called, takes it to the clerk.... the inventor lays the apple out on the counter and the clerk says "this is just an apple", and the inventor says, "take a bite"...clerk does so,..."this tastes like roast beef!"...,inventor asks him to turn it over and take a bite of the other side. Clerk does so..."this tastes like apple pie!"...pause....the clerk tells the inventor "you know,...we'd make a fortune if you made an apple that tastes like pussy!...we could sell it to the porn industry and make millions!" The inventor realizes he's right and says " ya, ya! okay I'll do that"...month passes by...inventor comes to the patent office, same routine, takes his number, and waits, and waits...clerk calls him up again and the inventor proudly lays the apple on the counter. the clerk excitedly grabs the apple and takes a bite quickly! Clerk spits out apple "this is horrible! This tastes like ****!"...the inventor tells him to turn it over

370zproject · 04-27-2010, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 370ZGhost

a inventor goes down to the patent office, he has created a flavored apple. he has created an apple that tastes like roast beef. hes very excited, takes his ticket at the office and takes a seat,... he waits... and waits...his ticket number is called, takes it to the clerk.... the inventor lays the apple out on the counter and the clerk says "this is just an apple", and the inventor says, "take a bite"...clerk does so,..."this tastes like roast beef!"...,inventor asks him to turn it over and take a bite of the other side. Clerk does so..."this tastes like apple pie!"...pause....the clerk tells the inventor "you know,...we'd make a fortune if you made an apple that tastes like pussy!...we could sell it to the porn industry and make millions!" The inventor realizes he's right and says " ya, ya! okay I'll do that"...month passes by...inventor comes to the patent office, same routine, takes his number, and waits, and waits...clerk calls him up again and the inventor proudly lays the apple on the counter. the clerk excitedly grabs the apple and takes a bite quickly! Clerk spits out apple "this is horrible! This tastes like ****!"...the inventor tells him to turn it over

DjSquall · 05-07-2010, 06:58 AM

FINALLY read tgis entire thread. Took me all week lol. Epic laughs guys!

Togo · 05-07-2010, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DjSquall

FINALLY read tgis entire thread. Took me all week lol. Epic laughs guys!

Well since you're all caught up, I guess I should start updating it.

I'm shocked at you Phelan, you really haven't been hounding me to update lately.. lol.

04-08-2010, 02:56 PM	#676 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	Paddy the Irishman is at the doctors office and the doctor is looking in his mouth and says "Paddy what in the world made your tongue so black?" Paddy replies "I dropped me bottle of whiskey on a freshly tarred road." __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

04-08-2010, 02:57 PM	#677 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 657	It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said. "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked." Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001" __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

04-19-2010, 11:09 PM	#682 (permalink)
vipor A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Euless, TX [ DFW ] Age: 41 Posts: 13,531 Drives: Nismo 09-0183 QAB Rep Power: 48	It's so bad that I get this. It actually made me laugh out loud QDB: Quote #2550 Code: <limited7> i have for(n = 1; n < 99; n = n /2) why is it loopin forever? __________________ 2009 NISMO # 0193 \| QAB \| Albums! \| 05.04.10 (Dynojet) 291.94hp/248.28tq Oil Cooler (DIY) \| Custom Headlights \| GTSPEC Braces \| F.I. Long Tube Headers

04-19-2010, 11:11 PM	#683 (permalink)
vipor A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Euless, TX [ DFW ] Age: 41 Posts: 13,531 Drives: Nismo 09-0183 QAB Rep Power: 48	<_p> my lack of morals has absolutely nothing to do with my loins. <_p> it just so happens that many immoral acts that are genuinely worth doing involve my dick. __________________ 2009 NISMO # 0193 \| QAB \| Albums! \| 05.04.10 (Dynojet) 291.94hp/248.28tq Oil Cooler (DIY) \| Custom Headlights \| GTSPEC Braces \| F.I. Long Tube Headers

04-19-2010, 11:13 PM	#684 (permalink)
vipor A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Euless, TX [ DFW ] Age: 41 Posts: 13,531 Drives: Nismo 09-0183 QAB Rep Power: 48	<Draven> w0ot. 150 MB porn movie done! <kaMIKazE> nice <+RedvaldezAWAY> not bad Cow <@murder1> wd d/l a 150 mb movie when all you're gonna last is at 500kb Guys, I'm hooked.... __________________ 2009 NISMO # 0193 \| QAB \| Albums! \| 05.04.10 (Dynojet) 291.94hp/248.28tq Oil Cooler (DIY) \| Custom Headlights \| GTSPEC Braces \| F.I. Long Tube Headers

04-27-2010, 10:36 AM	#686 (permalink)
370Zsteve A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Gold Coast CT Posts: 10,599 Drives: 2019 Corvette G.S. Rep Power: 42	A journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray. "Pardon me, sir, I'm from CNN. What's your name?... See More “Morris Feinberg," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" He replied, "For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?", she asked. He said, "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man." She asked, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a fukkin' wall." __________________ SOLD MY Z MARCH 2018 - another Core OG moves on - new ride 2019 Z Corvette Grand Sport - no mods necessary but already have eyes on HFC and intakes LOL IT NEVER ENDS.

04-27-2010, 11:26 AM	#687 (permalink)
370ZGhost Base Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Age: 37 Posts: 42 Drives: 10' 370Z Touring/Nav Rep Power: 15	a inventor goes down to the patent office, he has created a flavored apple. he has created an apple that tastes like roast beef. hes very excited, takes his ticket at the office and takes a seat,... he waits... and waits...his ticket number is called, takes it to the clerk.... the inventor lays the apple out on the counter and the clerk says "this is just an apple", and the inventor says, "take a bite"...clerk does so,..."this tastes like roast beef!"...,inventor asks him to turn it over and take a bite of the other side. Clerk does so..."this tastes like apple pie!"...pause....the clerk tells the inventor "you know,...we'd make a fortune if you made an apple that tastes like pussy!...we could sell it to the porn industry and make millions!" The inventor realizes he's right and says " ya, ya! okay I'll do that"...month passes by...inventor comes to the patent office, same routine, takes his number, and waits, and waits...clerk calls him up again and the inventor proudly lays the apple on the counter. the clerk excitedly grabs the apple and takes a bite quickly! Clerk spits out apple "this is horrible! This tastes like ****!"...the inventor tells him to turn it over

05-07-2010, 06:58 AM	#689 (permalink)
DjSquall A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Tottenham, ON Age: 36 Posts: 1,340 Drives: My first car Rep Power: 22	FINALLY read tgis entire thread. Took me all week lol. Epic laughs guys!