Her reply: "I could suck you till the end of time, but you'll never be beautiful" :bowrofl:

best one yet

:stirthepot:

It was from the movie American pie. This is where punctuation comes into play.
"suck me, beautiful" is different than "suck me beautiful"

http://images.cheezburger.com/comple...62b3a96cb3.jpg

:iagree: I get it, that's why I made my joke, lack of a comma totally changes the meaning :tup:

Well played sir, well played indeed

This still makes me LOL as much as it did at first

Pick up lines 101
 

Hey BIG guys out there would you like to share some of your best pick up lines?
I'm just not good at this....Haha:icon14:

"Is that a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them!"
"Is that **** on your boobs, because that was me..."

Haha...That was really hard to the point!

Anyway the other day I was in a Nissan dealership near my place checking out the 2013 Nissan GTR black edition with the tag of 107K. Man that car is really like.... you wanted to rob a bank and buy it.
Anyhow this nice female sales rep approach me and gladly assist me walk around the car and answer my questions,after about 20mins of exchanging ideas she pop the 107K question.
Well sir what would it take for you to buy this car?
I froze for about a minute like a cat just got my nuts.
Well I answered first I would rob a bank, next file for a divorce then go buy this car and have you for a lovely breakfast date.

She looked at me and gave me her calling card and gave me a wonderful smile!
Is that a positive response or negative???
Now I need to find a BANK to rob! haha Told you Im not good at this...

umm I don't know how to read that, -- I would tread lightly if married. If not thats lame.

If you're not married, take her to breakfast and slip her the tongue in her beef taco supreme.

I would have frozen too & been like WTF did she just say. If you were not married & you did have the money I bet she would let you hit it good & hard possibly.
+1........ :iagree: If not married hopefully you would show her a lot more. Since you are married I would not waste your time not unless you want your a** kicked by your wife.

Best and most effective pick up line is " Hi " I'm ( ______) and then start talking, be sincere and real.

A lot more effectve than any B.S. "Down Town Tony Pickup Lines", that will just get laughed at by most women.

+1....... :iagree: You just have to keep it real & be yourself.

I have had some friends that have brass balls by going up to a chick & saying do you want to F**K. Some would just be appalled & shocked while far from few would be like sure. This was at bars, so drinks were involved & judgment might have been clouded.

Haha lol. That could go either way. My guess is that she just found it funny and also knew that you weren't going to buy anything so just gave you her card. As for the smile, she probably saw it as a compliment (the date part) and that you made her laugh. But since you're married I wouldn't advise you pursue at all, but you could at least just build a "professional" relationship with her and go through her to buy any and all of your next vehicles. She'll appriciate at least.

Had to comment on this one as well lol. First off stupid pick up lines actually work. I'm dead serious, but the catch is that you must be able to follow up with something else. For most women you can't just walk up saying something like "did it hurt? when you fell from heavan" lol. She will look at you like you're an idiot and possibly think, "did this guy really just say that to me?" Then you're done in her and all of her friends eyes lol. But if you can do that then follow up with possibly the "Hi, I'm (___)" or whatever while also proving that you were just being funny. Then that'll let her know that you have a sense of humor and probably make her laugh, which is always a good thing. So like you said Gixxer you should be yourself and real, but what if real for you is sarcastic and funny? Just saying :)

The simple facts for picking up women, is just to be sincere and polite and well dressed, a good job, and a good clean late model car.

Treat all women the same regardless of race or country of origin.

What most women are looking for is a man that can support them either with a family or career goals,( most women will want to become breeders sometime in there life), so looks and intelligence of the man are really important to them.

The best advice that I can give to any young guys after dating many women and being married for 20yrs. and seeing other failed marriages of friends over the years is simply this.

Women are true predators, they search for the best mate, they suck out as much life and value, as they can along with their offsprings. Once they tire of the mate, they either divorce them and move on the the next best thing.

Marriage, love etc, all man made false hoods, just lust.

Best thing a young guy can do is get a vasectomy and practice the four Fths.
Findem, Feelem, F???ken and Forgetem.

Also watch out for asian women 99% are all gold diggers, regardless of your race.

only pick-up line you need:

"Hey baby.. I drive a shiny blue (or insert your own colour here) Z." <remove pants>

:cool:

Amen
 

To That!:shakes head:

Doesn't matter what the car looks, if a fat dork comes out of it.

Once had competition for hot PR girl, against the local idiot with a new Smokey and the Bandit Trans Am and a harley chopper.

Against me 19 yr. old guy with an old beat up 1966 chevy PU 292 straight 6 cylinder and a triumph 650 flat tracker.

Long story short , blew off both his vehicles, won the girl and the pain that went with it, got married. " Latin girls great in bed ", but you definitly don't want to marry them.

lol That was a joke.. but the bitterly married guy enters the fray and makes himself known!

hahaha :tup:

It's all about confidence and creating an interesting conversation, especially something funny. You can get away with a cheezy pick-up line if you do it right. It's all about the delivery. My favorite is this one.

(approach a girl while pretending to be on the cell phone)

you: ...yup, okay. I found her. I'm standing right next to her. (describe something she's wearing out loud; shirt color, dress, etc..)

her: (looks at you)

you: ...that was cupid. Hi my name is ______

Happily married to hot chinese girl for 10yrs. now. Was into the dating seen from the 1984-2001. Most girls I would hit up on were only the ones that gave you a smile or simple eye contact.

I went out with my buddy who recently got divorced and wasn't really into dating and picking up girls. He married his high school sweet heart, then got screwed. He didn't believe my claims of it being easy to pick up and meet new women, as I was realy selective.

So to show him how easy it was I just used my simple technic, and I would never even buy the girls drinks unless I was really interested in them.

I would just say hi introduce myself , talk a little and ask them for a phone #. End result after doing this for about 3 weekends of going out and getting about 60 phone numbers, half were fake and about 6 pained out into dating 6 girls at once, all resulted in bedding them. After doing this for about 6 months, I gave up and picked the best girl for a few yrs. Its to much stress dating to many women at the same time in the same city, unless they live in different cites.

Hey b*tch, wanna play with my Zee Zee?

Nothing more honest than just getting straight to the point.

:tup:

+1........ :iagree: Have to love the 4 F's. I always thought the last F was flee ( Find them, Follow them, F**k them & Flee). Forget them sounds good to me.

Getting a vasectomy is probably the smartest & safest beat. You can still get a woman pregnant w/i that first yr that you have your vasectomy, but a less likely chance though. The only issue is if you actually find a woman & want to have kids with her. It will cost you 10k to have it reversed & you are only 70% able to get her pregnant.

Vasectomy is still the best deal, keeps you out of a lot of trouble.

Female breeders or (leach women) will tell you, you need to have children to carry on your name and you live your life thru hem when your old.

I say screw the little bastards, the happiest guys I know are the ones that never had kids or got married.

It lets you do what you want, buy what ever , when ever you want, date or screw who ever you can.

The most important thing is it keeps you safe from all the emotional nightmares that most occur with most of these women as the age and your money in your own pockets.

Note as women age and you find them alone and single, its for a very good reason, most are really F????ed in the head.

Uh you do realize that most of what you just said here implies that the girls are gold diggers right? In my opinion though about 85% of all women are gold diggers, 13% have gold digger tendencies, and the remaining 2% aren't gold diggers at all. It shows whenever you see a girl at work or school and she sees you in your beater for the day, but doesn't pay you any attention. Then the next day or so she sees you again in the nicer car and she makes sure that you see her lol.

Extremely easy to talk to them. By far the hardest part would be the initial conversation. But honestly I say it's too much work to try and date/pick up various chicks all the time. I'm good with my one :)

You got a point there. Kid free is the way to be lmao

"Sweetheart, your eyes are like crescent wrenches. When I look in them, my nuts tighten."

Sub'd. This is going to get interesting

This one worked in Germany for me a few times while recouping with two broken arms in Wiesbaden:

"My balls itch ... can you help me out?" :D

+1....... :iagree: GD & AMEN BROTHA.... :tiphat:

:icon18: :inoutroflpuke:

I can actually see this happening, but as you stated both of your arms were broken. If both arms were not broken, then no way in hell would this fly.

:icon18:

How about ...

"Hey, you know I have a daughter around your age"


Wait.... scratch that.... nevermind

Girl, you work at Subway?...

Cause you just gave me a FOOTLONG!!!

:roflpuke2::roflpuke2:

:icon18: WOW

Let’s make like a fabric softener and snuggle.

Do you like bananas or blueberries? I wanna know what kind of pancakes to make in the morning.

Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?


I had a couple friends use these lines here.......

You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.

My neck hurts. Because as soon as you walked by I whipped my head!

I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

Are you tired? because you’ve been running through my mind since I got here.

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice

Finally were having fun here!!!

Come on guys we are all gentleman here right?= Honestly married or not one way or another we flirted with the opposite sex.

Some of you guys took it seriously come on!!!.... Even the female sales rep knew that I was merely flirting with her and doing a funny pick up line...Rob a bank?...Divorce?....the very least gave her a compliment in association to the my desire to have the GTR and her given the circumstances of nil possibilities of reality. Hey I'm a dirty oldman and happily married just having fun.OK?

Now lets do this again. Pick up line 101.

I bet your favorite subject is geometry! Cuz that's the best figure I have ever seen!

"I want Your Stink On My Low Down"

Most of the sarcastic lines, will just get you dirty looks and don't bother me.

Its as bad as saying ("Whats Your Sign", I always laughed when my friend used it and it worked occassionally) , Are You A Model, Are You Some One Famous, you look like .

I was trying to have fun yesterday and I didn't get a rise out of anybody. I mean hey, that one even works on my wife. :confused: Women love it rough. ;):p

Okay, how 'bout an old one from high school?

Now, using your best Curly (3 Stooges) voice, say,

Hey Toots, Nice Loins!!!!!

You: "You work for Fedex right?"

girl: "no, why"

you: " I saw looking at my package and just assumed"