I could go either way on planning for first dates. I am not about to exert a potentially aversive amount of effort on a date for someone I may not actually want a second date with. As I get serious about someone, I'll definitely do more planning on dates, especially special occasions. But then, you get to know your partner far better and date ideas come more naturally without nearly as much planning. There are always exceptions, and maybe I want to try something out on someone, and that's totally cool. Just be sure to keep it lighthearted and not make it seem like you're desperate or ready to be ultra-clingy, ya know?

Most of the time, I really just want dinner, maybe coffee/movie or hang out somewhere so we can both get to know each other on a completely innocent level. Maybe do something new or try something out if she's game for it and I've at least met her before. But most of the time, first dates mean introduction and get-to-know-you time.

A movie where you may not talk for 2 hours might actually be a good thing. For me, I love movies and I'm an introvert. I don't require constant conversation in order to "spend time with someone." If my date can't handle that, we won't date much. :) It's not that I am shy and don't WANT to talk to her, but I need to know a woman can handle that and enjoy it. Besides, if you can spend time together but not REQUIRE interaction on a huge level, that might say something about how compatible you two may be living together for a long period of time. Silence and being comfortable around each other without doing the same thing is a big deal in the long run. In a way, it's like saying those silences in the middle of a conversation should be comfortable silences, not uncomfortable ones. It's the things done in between the big moments that support the happiness.

In the end, everyone is different and has different ideas on what is fun or useful for a first or any date. Don't dash someone else's ideas just because they're not your idea of fun.

I agree. The movie/dinner/drinks has been my 'reliable' first date. It gives me an opportunity to be observant and ask questions/talk over dinner. I've had more than my share of dates that didn't get past the dinner stage because of no chemistry or the 'I'm glued to my phone texting everyone else rather than talking to you' behavior. IMHO, the latter is just rude. Emergencies are one thing, but having a texting conversation with who knows who while at dinner with someone else smacks of high school behavior and over 30 is just ignorant. Yes, first dates are nerve-wracking, we both want to make a good impression, but not seem desperate.

I had one 'first-date' that I knew within 5 minutes it wasn't going anywhere. Trying to get simple information like 'what do you do' was like pulling teeth. She kept talking about how someone was coming over to her house to do a photo-shoot for a magazine and topics that were all about her. Not a single question about what I do, just a litany of complaints. I said "you know, maybe we should try this another time, this just doesn't seem to be a good day." Probably a wise choice, because she had cancelled the first 2 attempts to get together. I chalked it up as a learning experience, and I don't worry about it.

Like Chuck said earlier in this thread, it's a numbers game. Somewhere out there is someone we can get along with, don't be in a hurry, just relax and have fun. :)

I thought fat chicks were supposed to be jolly

Yes, I think so. I usually have a few ideas to throw out there, but nothing planned.

I've taken a few girls to a local art gallery that lets you spray paint on the walls. It really was a lot of fun, and they always enjoyed it. Two of those first dates resulted in long-term relationships and one of those probably wouldn't have even been a second date if we'd just gone the normal dinner and a movie route. Mix it up and be creative, girls love it. You can be the most boring person in the world, but it makes you seem exciting and creative and unafraid to break the trends for what is normally expected of you. Just never go to a sporting event on a first date. Terrible idea the two times I tried it.

What a great idea! Get on a forum of people u don't know, where the only thing u have in common is a car, and ask about dating!

You'll go far!

FAIL

:icon17:

:rolleyes: :gtfo2: please.

Divorced. Married for 7 years. I hope to leave the "Lonely Driver's Club" soon if things work out. Not gonna make the same mistake twice though lol

:icon18: :gtfo2:

Just people chatting on a forum to pass time. Novel concept, I know. Why not cut everyone some slack?

No chat for you!

http://growabrain.typepad.com/growab...nimoy_nazi.jpg

I must have missed the nazi spock episode :icon17:

Just a topic many can relate to, and it has been a fun one. I've run into several friends who are in the same situation as well. Where I'm at it IS tough. It's just the mentality.

The girl I met at a restaurant a few months ago (youngest, who was honest enough to tell me she had no interests) contacted me out of the blue. She met a guy and later realized was a total dbag. He couldn't respect women. She said that's what she gets for falling for a good looking guy since it matters to her. She says lots of guys here treat her well, but she has no interest in them. Then tells me to come visit her workplace on Wednesday. Ha! I'm not falling for that. Maybe get her to meet me up instead. Although she's fun to talk to, that's pretty much it.

As for the one I went on a date with last week, I bumped into her Friday night at a piano bar, had drinks, danced, etc. I made moves to get closer (hugs, kisses on the side, hand contact, etc.), and she responded quick. Phone communication is still iffy. This is all deja vu, and my spider senses are tingling... I have a feeling she's already got someone. I'll just ride this one out and try to squeeze in a few more dates since she hasn't given me the "speech" yet. Peculiar behavior, indeed.

Personally, I don't want kids, and most mentally stable women do.
Therefore I only date.
I'm also not a fan of gambling half my money on a marriage contract.

:icon17: I chuckled. A guy who works next to me is in your shoes as well (at 38). He thinks marriage is overrated. He likes to date around as well, so he'll use dating apps and whatnot. It sounds like an adventure, so every now and then he'll have interesting stories about his encounters.

Others who have been through at least once divorce, already has kids, will say the same. They see no point in getting married again or having more kids.

don't like it? then don't read it. plenty of other threads to read.

btw, what oil should i be using?

Ugh, I hate that. And I always feel bad saying so, because then I get a ton of defensive responses like "Small talk sucks! Don't hate me because I'm an introvert!", etc. But the ability to make decent conversation with a stranger is important to me.

And I thought Z drivers were supposed to be cool. Disappointment sucks, don't it? ;)

Because it makes for a really long first date?

I mean, for example I love baseball and enjoy going to games, but I can't imagine doing that as a first date. That's a lot of time to be "locked in" with someone you don't know yet. (And what if it turns out you can't stand each other and then there are extra innings?!?)

"The Lonely Driver's Club"...LOL!

What's been hard for me is finding men who don't want kids but still like them. I've never wanted to be a parent, but I love kids -- babies, toddlers, whatever, just as long as they aren't mine. I adore my 12-year-old "nephew" (who has already asked if he can drive my Z when he turns 16!), and I can't imagine being serious about someone who wouldn't want to hang out with him. I generally don't click with people who don't like children or animals (I have a dog).

(Single dads would seem to be the answer right? Except that a lot of them don't want to date childless women, because they're convinced we'd never really understand that their kid comes first.)

KY Synthetic. :tiphat:

Met up with a friend of mine at the bar and we talked a bit (about everything). She kind of subtly told me that if/when I'm out, my posture should be more inviting or open.

Makes sense, and this is something I "knew" in the back of my mind, but never really realized I wasn't doing it.

Who say's that was towards you?;)

I honestly don't care about your opinion of me. My previous post were not meant for you. Go write it in a diary, I honestly don't care. I just wanted to help a fellow member out. He doesn't even have to listen to a single advice or agree with any of it. If you don't like what I have to say, ignore it. Being a 42 year old with tits and a vagina doesn't make you any more of an expert on dating than the rest of us. Relationships are messy, complex and no two are the same. If it works for you, great. If you think a certain way, that's great too. If you don't agree when I say "all women think the same," ignore it.

I'd rather let this go... You should do the same.

Just got friend zoned. She told me she was already seeing someone before she met me. She thinks that we should be friends for now, and hopes I'm not mad, but would love to stay friends. O_o

Personally, I'd forget her number. She was seeing someone already? Sounds like she's playing games. Tell her you've got enough friends.

Yup. I guess sh*t got serious haha. All that speech about me being a great guy and that I deserve a good girl yaddy yadda. That doesn't change anything. At least I didn't blow up her phone or or go emo... lessons learned dealing with the ex for the past couple of years since the break up.

Here's what I made this morning since I anticipated it all along. It's that typical vibe, deja vu, etc., feeling.
http://www.the370z.com/attachment.ph...1&d=1389662249

:|

All good. Girl in KC is responsive. Will make another attempt next weekend with some friends. She suggests KC Restaurant week, so it's the perfect time to go.

Good luck :)

How does one posture themselves invitingly?

not sure, that usually gets us into trouble :ugh:

When you're sitting at the bar, not sitting facing the bar, etc. kind of open yourself up to those around you - like facing people rather than the bartender/TVs. Be relaxed.

Things like that.


Opposite of what I do. :icon17:

Another problem I have is not knowing what to do with my hands.

Since I don't drink, I don't always have a drink in my hand... wtf do I do with them? I guess I could hold onto my soda or water, but even then that gets boring. My hands can't sit still for long.

I don't get it?

I've never seen that movie, so I don't know the reference, Xip.

go watch Scarface, ASAP!

Ehhh. Not so much into those types of movies. I get bored with them.

It's kinda old anyway. :ugh2:

It's an open forum. If you don't like the replies, don't start the post!

Oil? Anal lube works great!