Over 30 and still single, post here.
 

Turning 32 in a couple of days, and I've been single for the past couple of years. After my last relationship, I haven't really put much effort trying to look for someone or start a relationship with anyone. I've had a few dates, but the connection wasn't there. I'd run into my ex from time to time, and as we talk the connection is still there. We can talk about anything with no awkwardness. It's just weird, but she tells me it isn't. I wouldn't be able to do that with any of my other exes. Ok, let's put her aside. :eekdance:

My encounters so far for the past 2 years: single moms (as young as 20!), girls who barely moved to the U.S, and ones who vow to NEVER date Asians. I have zero experience raising a child, so it's difficult for me to relate to a single mother. As for girls who barely learned English or how to drive, they're a little bit too far behind for me. They're a bit aggressive, too, because some of the ones I encountered pretty much need a sponsor for permanent residence. Then I've met several Asian girls who never date Asian guys. My ex even gave up dating Asians after enduring a nightmarish relationship with the guy she left me for. She hasn't had any better relationships with non-Asians either (kicked to the curb after 3 months, screwed after a week, etc.) Ours lasted almost 3 years. :icon14:

So I'm told not to be so picky and to lower my standards. My standard is fairly simple. I'm not looking for a super model girlfriend. Lookswise, cute is one thing since I have eyes. Why else would I settle for a 370Z? Haha. But her outgoing personality would make her even more attractive. I'm told to find a "nice" girl. Sure, but that's just boring because I'm already a "nice" guy to begin with. That's why I tend to go for the slightly feisty girls with a bit more outgoing personality so that it can balance my life. Oh, then there's the pressure about finding someone and getting married soon...

Maybe it's just not my time yet. Chime in or :gtfo2: haha.

I'll turn 30 in several months and I've never been in a relationship or kissed a girl

Seriously? Over the weekend this drunk dude tried to get on my case about my situation. I talk about this stuff just for fun and get opinions, so it's not a cry for help or anything. He tries to "be there for me" and that he "wants me to be happy," and tries to give me advice about "trying harder" when I get rejected blah blah. I told him to quit getting on my case because I'm a grown man and can make decisions for myself. He goes off telling me how he's never had a gf since 2005, and the advice he tries to give me is plain creepish.

Basically from I've learned that you cannot convince a girl to like you. She's either attracted to you or not. Even if you've convinced her to become attracted to you, how long can you keep it going? Once the attraction is gone, it's gone forever. How I see it when getting shot down by girls is that she's sparing me grief, so I should be thankful for that. :)

Hmmm....not many posts.

Losers ahahahahhahahahahaha that is all

BANNED ahahahahhahahahhahahah

that is all

Can we get some background on how your last relationship failed? You say she left you for another guy, which didn't work out, but you still talk? I would say it isn't too big a deal, although I know Asian parent pressure can start pushing down on you to get married after 30. (Perhaps Caucasian parents as well) It seems like you are dating occasionally now, so why don't you just continue that until you find someone with whom you have a strong mutual attraction? Are you bored of that? Don't lower your standards, otherwise you will find yourself wasting time and never being happy in your relationship. Your standards are your "guidelines" for a partner.

:icon18: swish!

A few things made it fail, which was nothing compared to what she went through with other guys. I don't want to air too much on the Internet, but here's something Z related. Before getting a house I wanted to get the turbos out of the way, and we agreed. I shipped the car to Baker Tuning, which was about 20 minutes from her parent's house. A few months later we picked it up. I lost approval from her mother at this point because of the sports car and money spent on it. She wouldn't approve of a guy who spends money on non-essential things.

She's pretty much a different person now. Her relatives don't even talk to her, and she lost some friends as well. I'm told to let her go because she's selfish and uses people (even me).

Why or how do we still talk? Beats me. I finally let go in May by throwing away stuff. A few weeks later she contacted me out of the blue. Since then we've hung out a few times, but that was it. I'm finally trying to resist contacting her again since it's a waste of my time. There's something about her I miss, which is how we can talk about anything endlessly, and her company feels good (minus all the annoying quirky stuff about her, but I can ignore it well). She's attractive enough guys just want to get in her pants, and she knows it.

Ok enough about that. My cousin suggest I find more "educated" girls. So on a summer visit to Oregon he introduced me to some girls that go to his college. These girls kept belittling me simply because I was from Kansas. They poke fun at me because I've not seen the beach in awhile, but they beg to ask "Are there beaches where you live?" I said "No, I'm from Kansas." She then asks "Where's that?" I said "In the middle of the heartland." She says "Where's the heartland?" So much for being educated.

Another one, already quick to be judgmental, called me a "ricer" for any work I did on my car simply because her ex was in to cars. She refused to look at the pic of the little work I've done on mine, and said "Nope, you're a ricer." I told her my dad does mods to his cars as well, so would you say the same about him? No response. Conclusion? Ignorance is bliss.

First off I'm sure that bitch didn't know "rice" from beans lol :p her ex was probably some doucher who thinks anything that isent American is ricer. Also I may have missed it above but you seem like you and your ex work well together. Why can't that happen ?

Wow... where to start....

38 here, and in the middle, or late stages or whatever of a splitup. 14 years. Son, 8.

Anyways... I get a ton more attention now from women than I EVER got in my life. I'm not a looker by any means, not hot, none of those things. But... let's just say I'm at a position in my life where I guess my "status" may seem attractive to alot of girls/women? I'm told I look younger than I am... I guess maybe I can see that.

I've dated a number of women in the last 11 months since I left home, all of them very pretty, some inexorably "hotter" than others. In fact, the one I am currently in the process of withdrawing from is probably the "hottest" of the bunch... 31, very slim, sexy, toned, half-Japanese, smoking hot face, beautiful augmented... ummm... headlights, long black and blonde hair (tasteful), several tattoos (which I love), one of which is a very nice full left leg piece - and she has great, long, toned beautiful legs, highly educated, Vegan, opinionated and... she likes girls.

Yeah... you read that right.

OMFG.

lol

So... we've been dating for maybe 4-5 months? She spends every weekend at my house when I'm not with my son. We also happen to work together, although only once every few weeks. But, when we do, I am her "superior." Then again, I kinda am everyone's superior at work. :/ But it's not awkward, and we were friends before we started dating and I am sure will be after.

Matter of fact, was just perusing the Girls & Zs thread and was thinking how well she would fit in with some of those pics... she is a ridiculously attractive girl.

But... it's just not there for me. Ya know? Physically, things are great (ya know what I mean?), and we get along just fine, share a number of interests and enjoy spending time together.

But I'm just not into a full-time relationship right now. At least not with her, somehow? And I don't think it's fair to keep her hanging on - she told me she loved me a long time ago, said it a few times over the course of a week or two... and I had some of those, "Ummmm.... thanks," kinda responses. :( Yeah... I'm an ***, I guess.

I treat her well, dote on her, always open doors for both buildings AND at the car, always pay for EVERYTHING, have even given her money... gave her a grand last month, because she was a little short on funds and her baby-daddy hadn't come through. No need to pay me back, I just gave it to her and forgot about it. She didn't ask, by the way, even refused it, till I got a cashier's check in her name so no one else could cash it but her.

So this last weekend I told her I needed to ease things off a bit... her response was, "Oh my God, are you breaking up with me???" Like a real SHOCKER. I understand, she is way hotter than me, outta my league. But... it is what it is.

So she says she still wants to come hang out sometimes when she's in town, and we'll just be friends and have fun together and have sex. :eek:

Ummm.... hmmm.

What did I do wrong???? :icon14:

What did you do right? Haha. She's got that strong sense of attraction that only you two know about. However, we can't apply that unique formula on ourselves. Drunk guy would pester me about my ex, and I told him it's none of his business. I told him it's of no use to him if I told him anyhow. Plus, he tried to hit on her and ask her out the day after he found out we broke up.

Haha! She's driving a Prius and talks about the 370Z as if it's a POS over the FRS/BRZ. To each his/her own, and I didn't get butt hurt over that.

As for my ex? It surprised a lot of people. Her friends and family liked me. Even almost 2 years later they try to persuade her to come back to me. We did make a great team, though. But I think she continued to force other options away from me, and it didn't work so well. Her former friends tell me she refuses to learn her lessons and repeat her mistakes, and that she's really selfish. Last I talked to her she told me this year has been her worse from getting cited for expired tags, flat tires, financial, health, etc.

See below ;)
Of course she doesn't want to let you go.

May not necessarily be poking fun. They're asking questions to get a response/get you to talk too (depending on the tone of their questions too). Don't overthink everything. That's my problem and it's cost me a lot of opportunities (girls or otherwise).




I'm not 30 yet, but still single and dreading 30 if I'm still single by then. :eekdance: I usually have higher standards, which is a bad thing, but before I'd not even considered their education/work. Now, I want an "educated" girl, one with a career, not a career waitress or bartender, etc. Someone that can pay their way to a vacation or whatever if we wanted to go, not rely on someone else to always pay or never do anything, because they don't have any money.

Obviously we all want someone that's an 8 or better, but the ones I have met (very few, still haven't had a GF though) have been dumber than a box of rocks.

I met a girl a few months back, not a supermodel, not necessarily that girl you'd working at the bar/dancing on the bar, but still attractive enough and her personality was (is) awesome, but she also has a kid (not really into it, but was willing to give it a shot) and it ended up all being a tease, as she wasn't ready to be in a relationship, etc. :shakes head:

We still talk, maybe hang out every now and again, but my feelings for her are not as they were before - her loss.




Hopefully the right one will come along here soon.

Stop it. No more contact with exs. Period. She waived her right to contact you.

Sounds like you were carrying a bad teammate. When her family and friends say things like that, it means you were saving her from herself and they liked you for that. Still means you're the one getting the short end of the stick.


Sounding more and more like you've dodged a bullet.

Stop worrying about pressure to get married, or being a certain age. You want to talk pressure? Date a Latina for almost seven years, hit your mid-thirties and make no forward progress whatsoever toward the marriage front. :rofl2:

Go hit the gym to get your self-esteem up since it always takes a hit when a relationship self destructs, go have fun with your hobbies, go out with your friends. Go have a healthy relationship with yourself, and one with someone else will follow it. I've waded through a lot of truly toxic relationships before I figured that one out.
We're working on that, even if we have to pool some funds and sent you to the Bunny Ranch.

:tup: WOW! lots of good sense in this ^^^
sorry-hope I am not intruding as I am not single.

Not at all. Getting some advice from women is always helpful when dealing with women.

No problem at all. You're right. Must avoid toxic girls.

One more day to go before I turn 0x20. Man I don't know what to do this week. Last year, barely 6 months moving into my new home, I threw a party with tons of people. The only person left over was a dude who passed out sideways on my bed because his friends left him there. I slept on the couch and drove him home at 8AM the next morning with a hangover. SMH. FIAL. I don't really have the energy to do that. Living alone in this house, it's a lot to handle.

In fact, I wanted to go to KC this weekend in hopes to meet up this girl who is close to my bud's fiancee, but they have engagement stuff to do all weekend.

Being a single guy with a house is like having a secret weapon. Seriously. Keep it clean. Decorate it. Buy curtains (I'm completely serious). Have something alive in it- can be as simple as a houseplant or fish tank.

And if your buddies don't manage to get you out for a birthday and post-breakup issues, you may need new friends as well.

That's my problem.

My home doesn't really reflect my sense of style. I want to redo it so bad, but I get overwhelmed when I try to even research stuff and just stop. :icon17:

I'm afraid to even ask friends over, because it's just some extra sports stuff I have put up so the walls aren't blank... and it's been five years. :ugh:

That's a problem when you bring a woman back to the house. It can be a bachelor pad without looking like a college apartment. Recruit a gay friend or woman to help. Paint is cheap. Color is a good thing.

Women have a mental picture of what a "single guy's house" looks like inside, and it's not flattering. You want them to be pleasantly surprised when they walk in. Well decorated, but not to the point where she wonders if you're gay. Clean, but not "Serial Killer Clean". Sports stuff is ok, but also have some art. Doesn't have to be expensive. I've got some pieces from Target and Bed Bath and Beyond that looks fine. Curtains. For real. Throw pillows.

Yeah, there's color (every room in the house is a different color).

I've gotten some free artsy stuff from friends that's just sitting there atm, just doesn't match what I have. I need to get some new furniture, new floors, paint (I want a diff color, maybe two)... and it just all adds up.

I've been told I don't need to do it all at once, but it's hard to not just want it all done at the same time. I'm not going on my vacation, so maybe I'll spend some of that money on a remodel, being that I can't move out of this house for a while.

Ok, when you first described it the place sounded like my buddy's house. Nothing but Longhorn gear on the walls, one chair and a couch. Massive home theater system and TV. :rofl2:

Renovations are always worth the money. It makes your house worth more, and can get you laid in the meantime. What's not to like? :rofl2:

Oh I've decorated mine alright - 80" Sharp (I want moar!), 7.1ch setup, full fridge in the wet bar area, and [drunk] karaoke haha. The basement is like a night club when the music hits hard. For awhile people kept looking for excuses to come over. If I do have a get together at my house this week, it'll be much smaller than last year's. It took me 3 days to clean up the house, and I had to shampoo the carpet as well. Also, there's definitely a gaming PC hooked up for COD goodness in the basement. :) It's basically a bachelor's pad haha.

The house is fairly plain, though. I prefer not to spend money on full decorations till I settle with someone. I'm already regretting some color choices with some of my blinds and living room sofa. I did do various LED mods around the house including the address block almost all bulbs around the house.

I'm seriously itching to leave town, though.

:tup: Start with something small that strikes your fancy and decorate around that. could be as simple as a throw pillow, or a framed photo or painting...anything...just add stuff as you come across it. get a frined to help you-somebody who has a cool decor that you like. just gotta ask...

do you guys do much online dating? does that work at all or? :confused:

i ask because when i was young, there was barely any internet. :facepalm:
world wide web was a mistery when it was introduced. 14.4 dial up anyone? :ugh:

With all your new free time, decorating will be easy. Paint is cheap. Women want to see domestic potential in you. ;)

This is where the gay friend comes in. Every straight man needs a gay friend. Stereotyping heavily, but they're great with decorations and clothes, and they are un-freaking-believable wingmen. Don't be afraid to accompany them to gay bars, either. There are straight women there accompanying their gay friends.

I tried it back in the early 2000s. I got laid a lot, but I didn't meet anyone I wanted to know for any reason but sex. It seems to have changed, though. Two of my best friends are with women they met online, and they're cool chicks.

i started on 28.8k dialup
i remember drooling to get an ISDN connection (128k), it was like holy cow that's fast!!!
thanks for giving me a nostalgia trip... doom deathmatches over dialup on my 33mhz 8mb ram system lol! :D

huh... interesting. *kenchan scratching chin*

yah, i know a few people that mentioned they met online. and they have a nice family and all.

and wat cracked me up was the folks that married their long time gf's pretty much all divorced. :icon17: ok, not a laughing matter ..but the point is, it seems there's more and more quality people are online and are willing to reach out. :)

Yeah. I watch too much HGTV and want my house to look something like what I see on some of those shows. :icon17:

I have tried it, but no luck. I'm not the type of person to just hook up, I guess. That and I'm not very good at writing about myself or breaking the ice. :rolleyes:

I lucked out. When I bought my house, my mom was a recently retired interior decorator. "Here's my budget, here's my credit card. Go nuts."

i c... hummm... would it help to note that you're not really good writing about yourself and stuff?

not sure, but i feel that there are many people out there that's not good at writing about one's self and also communicating their thoughts... without feeling awkward. perhaps that might be a common ground to start a relation? :confused:

That's how you tell the difference between the real people and the fake ones on dating sites. Real people sound awkward when writing about themselves.

This was going somewhere else really quick....

I guess that's true.

Though I don't think I've ever gotten a response back on those sites. :icon17: I guess it's just me.

Then stop sending unsolicited wang pics. :p

Crazy great advice. Having a plant or fish tank, even in an apartment, transforms it completely. If you have poor lighting or suck with plants, just get a few hearty ones, and splurge on fake ones in the corners and out-of-the-way places where they won't be closely inspected. :) The fake ones are more believable when next to real ones.

I also love the art advice. You don't need to be an afficionado. If you have money, buy some art from local art students or from a local art fair. It'll be unique, and shows you're generous. Otherwise, find some things that interest you and look up art pieces based on those things on ebay or etsy or something. You can get some really nice looking stuff that to someone who knows the subject, will go crazy over it, but to anyone outside that hobby will just look like a more abstract piece of art. (canvas silhouettes of favorite anime/movie characters, things like that).

And frame your damn posters. :)

Meeting online lets you get past the superficial surface stuff and right down into talking about who you really are deep down. Those are the connections that can last a lifetime, friends or otherwise. Just have to look out for the Crazy and the Damaged.

Yep. Women see something alive in your apartment/house and subconsiously think "He can keep something alive. He'll be a great dad!". :rofl2:

Now if you want to go with the nuclear option, get a puppy. :rofl2: It's almost not fair. 30ish single guy with his own house, walking a puppy at the dog park? Expect panties thrown at you. :rofl2: