Joke of the Day

Chico370Z

A comparative study of economic systems
Socialism
You have 2 cows that you've worked hard for. The government takes one of them and gives it to your neighbour who doesn't have cows because he's too lazy to get off his ***.

Communism
You have 2 cows. The government takes them both away and gives you some milk in return.

Fascism
You have 2 cows. The government takes them both away and offers to sell you milk.

Nazism
You have 2 cows. The government takes them both away and then shoots you.

Bureaucracy
You have 2 cows. The government takes them both away, shoots one, milks the other one and pours the milk down the drain.

Traditional capitalism
You have 2 cows. You trade one for a bull, breed an entire hurd, sell the whole shebang and go live off the interest.

Lehman Brothers capitalism
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to a daughter franchise in Korea using the credit you got from an Icelandic bank through your mother-in-law. Next, you make a deal with a company in the Cayman Islands to buy your 4 cows and donate them back to you, so you can deduct the taxes for the 5 cows. You let a henchman invest the grants paid to you by the EU for your 6 cows into your Korean daughter franchise. In your annual report you indicate 8 cows with an option for a 9th. You sell 3 cows to buy an American farm and subsequently get exposed on the American market for not actually knowing the first damn thing about cows. You claim that you don't understand why your stables are empty and get sent to prison.

American system
You have 2 cows. You sell one and force the other one to give milk for 4. You're surprised when the poor animal drops dead.

Wallonian system (= French speaking southern part of Belgium)
You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want 3.

Flemmish system (=Dutch speaking northern part of Belgium)
You have 2 cows and start deliberating endlessly with everybody about the conditions to start deliberating [sic]about how those cows should be milked and cared for.

Japanese system
You have 2 cows. You genetically manipulate them to become 10 times smaller than a normal cow and give 20 times more milk.

German system
You have 2 cows. You genetically manipulate them so they live to the age of 100, only need food once a month and can milk themselves.

British system
You have 2 cows. They're both mad.
Quid pro pro: the Dutch system!
A farmer somewhere in a country village has 2 cows. You and some other guys from the big city form a committee to determine how this farmer can best look after his 2 cows and milk them as animal-friendly as possible. Next, you go court and demand that this farmer follows your committee's guidelines.

Italian system
You have 2 cows, but you're not sure where they are... and now you're off to go eat some spaghetti.

Russian system
You have 2 cows. You count them and discover there are 5. You count them again and discover there are 30. You count them again and discover there are 17. You give up on counting and open your 4th bottle of Vodka this morning.

French system
You have 2 cows. They are the most important cows in the world.

Swiss system
You have 500 cows, but none of them are actually yours. You make a living by looking after them for some "unknown" foreigners.

Austrian system
You have 2 cows in the basement, but the neighbours have never seen them.

Danish system
You have 2 cows in a design barn and now everybody wants that combination.

Maroccan system
You have 2 cows who love to (endlessly) negotiate the milk prices by themselves.

Spanish system
You had 2 cows, but you used that handsome EU grant to turn them into sausages and ground beef.

Swedish system
You sell cows cheaply, packed in a box which also contains a nice leaflet explaining how to milk them. A tiny bucket is included.

Scottish system
You have 2 cows, but the English refuse to recognize them as yours. They do want your milk profits though.

And finally, the Wisconsin system
You have 1 cow, to which you're married.

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