Yo' mama so old, she took her driver's test on a T-Rex!

yo mama got mo' clap than a auditorium.

A man is sun-bathing nude at the beach; a little girl comes up to him so he covers his penis with a newspaper. The little girl asks, 'What's under there?' The man says, 'A bird.' The girl walks away and the man falls asleep. He wakes up later in a hospital and is in great pain. A doctor and a policeman are at his bed, the doctor asks ...him, "Do you remember what happened?" The man replies, 'I don't know; I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl." The policeman says "I asked her what happened and she said, 'I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was asleep, I played with his bird. It spit at me! So I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed the two little eggs!

:icon18:

:rofl2:

One year, I decided to
buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't
buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I
replied,
"Well, you still haven't
used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight
started.....



______________________________



My wife and I were
watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
were in bed.
I turned to her and said,
'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I
then said,
'Is that your final
answer?'
She didn't even look at
me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like
to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight
started...



________________________________



I took my wife to a
restaurant.
The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump
steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you
worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for
herself."
And that's when the fight
started.....



________________________________



My wife and I were
sitting at a table at her high school reunion,
and she
kept staring at a drunken
man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know
him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend....
I understand he took to drinking right after
we
split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who
would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?"
And then the fight
started...



________________________________



When our lawn mower broke
and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to
me
that I should get it
fixed. But, somehow I always had something
else to take
care of first, the shed,
the boat, making beer.. Always something
more
important to me. Finally
she thought of a clever way to make her
point.
When I arrived home one
day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily
snipping away with a tiny
pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently
for
a short time and then
went into the house.. I was gone only a minute,
and
when I came out again I
handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you
finish
cutting the grass, you
might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will
walk again, but I will always have a limp.



________________________________



My wife sat down next to
me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on
TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight
started...



________________________________



Saturday morning I got up
early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
and
slipped quietly into the
garage. I hooked up the boat up to the
van, and
proceeded to back out
into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
50 mph, so I
pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that
the
weather would be bad all
day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped
back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back,
now with a
different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years
replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
husband
is out fishing in
that?"
And that's how the fight
started...



________________________________



My wife was hinting about
what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want
something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about
3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom
scale.
And then the fight
started......
________________________________



After retiring, I went to
the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the
counter asked me for my driver's License to
verify my age.
I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I
was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton
your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she
processed my Social
Security application..
When I got home, I
excitedly told my wife about my experience at
the Social Security office...
She said, 'You should
have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight
started...



________________________________



My wife was standing
nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with
what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay
me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's
damn near perfect."
And then the fight
started........

4 men in a prison cell...
A psycho, a rapist, a murderer, and a gay...
The murderer says
If there was a cat in here I'd **** that **** till it died, The rapist says ya I'd would tie it up and **** it while it cried and begged me to stop, The physco then replies I would **** that **** so hard and cum all over its face... The gay man stood there lonely in a corner with a creepy smile on his face and replies "MEOW"

:bowrofl::bowrofl:

:facepalm: Why do I feel like I'll rot in hell for laughing at this...



Edit: Thats why! :tup:

:rofl2: :wtf2:

:roflpuke2: :inoutroflpuke: :bowrofl:

im totally taking the forum stickers off of rin now :mad:

If you take off the forum stickers I want my sticker back. :stirthepot:

Isn't sticker swapping a weekly thing at the rate you whore Rin out??


:inoutroflpuke:

i'll send you a 9" special edition one. i had it custom made just for you! it's bright and yellow, so it'll stand out on that piece of **** graphite color you have :tup:

:(

:owned:

so yes im gonna revive this thread.. (maybe it wont really come alive again and i'll just sulk at my attempt)

but anyway.

-------------------------------------
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.


"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"


"Not yet," she replied

:bowrofl:

These have been making their way around the aviation-related forums.

The TSA: Providing gainful employment to sexual predators since 2009

Can’t see London, Can’t see France, unless we see your underpants.

It’s not a grope; it’s a freedom pat.

If your lover is lacking in foreplay, come fly by us!

We always get to second base on the first date.

Security thru nudity!

We’ll touch you here, We’ll touch you there, We’ll even fondle your derriere

Hickory dickory dock, give us a chance and we’ll grab ur – you get the idea

Have a grope and a Smile

We rub you because we love you...in that special way

Nuts, butts, and scanner sluts. That's the way we roll.

You get on. We get off.

We've handled more balls than Barney Frank.

Going out west? We’re going down south.

Lift your sack…for freedom?

Perverts for peace.

TSA: Where Touching Your Junk is Not Just a Job, It's an Adventure

TSA: we bring repressed memories to life.

Announcing the new TSA Club Card: Every 12 pat-downs gets a reach-around!

While I have some free time...:

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes Home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is a sleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea!
Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"



A truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge; so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he says.

"I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.

"Well, since you're about to die, before you jump, would you give me a blow job."
So, she does.

After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent.
Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

Why do African Baboons paint their nuts red?













So they can hide in the cherry trees.

So whats the loudest sound in the jungle?











Giraffes eating cherries.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square , Rome .


The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room,
Everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room
People call him 'Your Grace'."


The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room
Everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."


The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope.
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."


Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence,
The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,


Slim,


Tall,


38D breast,


24" waist and


34" hips.


http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/2707/60895648.png


When she walks into a room, people say, "My God!"

Three midgets in a bar, arguing over who is the smallest.

The first midget says, "I might not be smallest, but I guarantee that I have the smallest head."

The second midget says, "That may be, but I bet you I have the smallest hands of anyone."

The third one says, "Hmmm, I don't know, but I definitely have the smallest penis."

So, they all decide to go to Guiness to verify their claims. The first midget walks in and comes out some time later, grinning from ear to ear, holding a certificate. "Read it and weep, boys. Smallest human head of any adult."

The second one goes in and comes out some time later elated and jumping around, he too with a certificate in hand. "Check it out, LOSERS! Smallest hands of any adult human male."

The third midget goes in but comes out only a little while longer with no certificate. Upset beyond consolation, he cries. "Who the F*CK is this 'AK370Z' fella, anyway?"

:D

Shado just :owned: AK

:bowrofl:

R.I.P Shado! R.I.P

:rofl2:

:ohsnap1:

It was nice knowing you Shado :hello:

hmmm, where is ak's response

:shakes head: :mad: Enjoy your last day here!



































































lol haha j/k :icon17: I lol'ed hard! hahah :bowrofl:

:roflpuke2:

:rofl2:

I am surprised AK did not just edit the post. :p

ya, "theDreamer" would fit much better, that guy is always "dreaming" big


:p

:ohsnap1:

:bowrofl::bowrofl:

:ohsnap1:

Subject: 3 kids fishing


Barrack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disney World & Barrack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.'

The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes. Barrack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them.'

The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset.'

Barrack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped. The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your *** from drowning.'

:bowrofl:

:bowrofl::roflpuke2::bowrofl:
that was a great one

thats a good one lol