Three guys are talking about the best bars anywhere. One guy says, "There is this one bar where you buy two drinks they give you a third free!" Another says."I know a bar where you buy one they give you one free!" A third says,"There is this one bar..you buy one..they buy you another and another and another and then you get laid!" Everyone agreed this was a great bar so someone asked,, "Where is this bar?" The guy said, "I dont know for sure but my sister found it yesterday!""""
Comments!!

epic!!!!

A man and a woman are playing golf. She hits the ball and it goes right through the window of a very expensive house nearby. They do the right thing and go to the house and knock on the door. A man answers and they explain that they are responsible and wish to make good for the shattered window. The man says, "Do not feel guilty for I am a genie and I have been held captive in a bottle for 200 years and your golf ball shattered the urn I was in and set me free!!! Whoever sets me free shall have whatever he wishes granted."

The man says he needs one million dollars and the The genie replies," I will grant what ever you ask, just fulfill my only wish." They ask what his wish is and, looking at the woman, he replies," It has been 200 hundred years since I had a woman and I wish to have unbridled sex with her for which I will provide $1,000,000 in return."

They are taken aback but the woman says, "No, I will not give myself for any price." The man says, "But we need the money and cant turn this down." After heated argument, reluctantly the woman defers to her husband and agrees to the deal.

The man has mad sex with the woman during which he ravishes her with all the passion of a man deprived for two centuries. When it is over they are both exhausted. Lying in the bed he turns to her and asks, "How old is your husband?" She replies, "Why, he is 32" and the man replies, "And he still believes in genies???

I wasnt sure whether or not to tell this because some might take it the wrong way but...
A white guy and a black guy were friends for years but there was always one thing that they secretly wondered about.... One day they decided to have a contest to put the question to test.
They each get a girl go to a hotel room and settle the issue of who is the most virile..The white guy jumps on the girl and "does the deed" He takes a pencil and put a mark on the wall.. They order dinner after which he puts another mark on the wall.. They watch TV but just before going to sleep he says, "lets do it one more time" so they do it again and he puts a third mark on the wall.

They fall asleep but early next morning he is awakened by his black buddie. He opens the door and his black buddy looks at the three marks on the wall and says,"Holy ****!!! You're way ahead.. 111 to 46!!!

Hope my black friends are not offended by this bit of humor...Only said in fun..

Ah the gift of humor.

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge, so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity,so he asked, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"

So, she does.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up as a girl."

hilarious:bowrofl:

lol

:rofl2: those are some good ones

similar


A man in Nevada decides to find the best hooker available. He searches for hours, and when he finally finds the best, he calls her up.

He arrives at her hotel room, and he asks first, "How much for a handjob?" She says, "4000 dollars." Shocked, the man insists that it is well too expensive. The hooker takes him over to the window. "You see that pawn shop on the corner," she asks. "I own that pawn shop because of the profits of my handjobs alone." So, the man agrees to the fee, receives service, and is well satisfied.

He comes back the next week and asks, "How much for a blowjob?" The hooker says, "8000 dollars." She takes him to the window and points out a large bookstore. "You see that Barns & Noble? My mouth has earned me all the money necessary to buy and operate that bookstore." Once again, fee paid, service rendered, customer satisfied.

Months later, the man is back in town and decides to look her up again. Arriving in the room, he asks, "Ok, how much for vaginal sex?" She guides him to the window and points out a huge casino/hotel in the distance. Amazed, the man asks, "You bought that from just sex?" "No," the hooker replies, "but I bet I could if I didn't have a penis."

^haha

Grownups are our most precious resource. They literally make the world go round. Since some children may or may not become one, here is a quick rundown of what it means to be a grownup:

* Grownups don't get to have fun the way kids do. Instead of riding bikes or playing Coast Guard, most adults get their kicks by going to the Museum of Jazz or getting into roadside fistfights.
* Teachers live in schools. Garbage men live in garbage. And firemen live in fire.
* When you turn 18, you're given a sword that you aren't allowed to tell kids about.
* Adults are currently implementing a plan to buy all the Chuck E. Cheeses, renaming them Charles Fromage and replacing the videogames with Coinstar machines and the pizza with lectures about the thermostat.
* If you steal an adult's car and drive it around, everyone will just be relieved you're OK and you'll probably get to be on the news.
* Most adults don't actually have jobs and are just paid by the government to say swear words.

Trick or treat

A man and his wife decide to play golf but neither is very good so they sign up for lessons.

The man goes to his lesson first. The instructor says, "Show me your swing so I can evaluate you." The man swings and the instructor says, "That was good but you're holding the club too tight. Try holding it gently like you would hold your wife's breasts." The man does so and he hits the ball 250 yards!

Later, the wife goes for her lesson. Again the instructor tells her to show him her swing so that he can evaluate her. She does and he says, "You're also holding the club too tight. Hold like you would hold your husband's penis." She does so and takes her swing. Then the golf instructor says, "Try it again but this time take the club out of your mouth."

Frost! Quit teasing us with just 1 joke! :D

Frost likes to tease, it is his best quality.

He's like a teenage girl - gets you excited... And leaves the rest to you.

You should stay away from the teenage girls. They can get you 20

they don't even give killers 20 anymore.

A guy is out with his buddies. He has a
few drinks, gets in the mood but true to
his wife goes home.

When he gets home he finds her sound
asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.
He gets two aspirin and drops them into
her mouth.

Of course, she chokes but recovers and
asks, "What did you put in my mouth??"

He says, "Two aspirin".

She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE"!!!

He says, "That's what I wanted to hear."

:bowrofl:

Yeah, and if grown women sleep with teenage boys, they get 2-3.

This is an Incredible story!


http://www.scottblogs.com/wp-content...h-elephant.bmp

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .


On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.


The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.


He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.


As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,


after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.


The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.


Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.


Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.





Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.




Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.


As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and


walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.



The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.


The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.



Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.


Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.


He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.


The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs


and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.




Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.

Either that or it was the same one and he was made that pete didn't save him from the damn zoo.

:rofl2:

:icon18::wtf2:

Oh, this is good...

Ricer - YouTube

^hahaha good stuff

:ugh2:

That's funny? :confused::p:icon17:

:roflpuke2:

Lol, there was a post deleted before my :ugh2:

just messin wit ya ;)

Time to revive this thread:

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fck your brains out and sucks your t1ts dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

:bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl:

Enjoy.

Evil ice cream
 

I don't know if any of you guys will find this funny. But I almost died just now. Found this video a while ago and stalked myself on facebook and found it again.

I don't know how funny it is, but i'm damn hungry now.

Good jokes right there :ugh2:

I hated it but couldn't stop watching it lol