Over 30 and still single, post here.

Chuck33079 · 11-04-2013, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TXSpeedDemon

Speaking as a man who was single from 28-35 all I have to say is:

You guys worried about being single in your 30s don't know how good you've got it!

Think about it. In your 30s you are likely stable in your career or profession. Financially stable enough to get the things you need but not waste time on things you just "want". You're still young enough to be extremely physically fit with only 6 months to 1 year of dedicated working out. You're experienced enough to know how to treat a woman right, how not to embarrass her in front of her fiends, when to back off and when to stand your ground. And you're at a point where you don't have to waste your time chasing tail that you don't really want - unless good tail is all you want.

For the first time in your life you have all the power. You are the ones being sought after and are in a position to make all the choices. You have older post-divorce women available to you, and younger women looking for a good husband in an ever shrinking field of eligible bachelors. Now is the time to flip the script, make the women work for you. Have them convince you why you should go out with them, not the other way around as it has been the previous 30 years. This works. You know why? Cause all of the above is true AND women want what they can't have. If you don't just give yourself to them like every other guy does they begin to wonder why. And they start chasing after you.

So go out, have fun, date and do your thing. Live you life the way you want to and don't settle. When you're ready, find the right person for you.

Speaking of that, as the former creative director for Match.com north america (and Chemistry.com) I can tell you that online dating does work. But you have to think of it like a big bar. There are all sorts of people you could meet there. Some are there looking for a free meal, some a good time and some a long term partner. No matter what you are looking for there are a ton of potentials for you there.

Some pointers for the single over 30 online daters out there:
- the highest rated test profile picture for men over 30 was an upper body, smiling with a pet picture. Dogs rated highest, cats next, then farm animals and reptiles last.
- Men over 30 shouldn't have any shirtless pictures. This was deemed immature by women seeking men over 30
- Your profile write up should be short and sweet. Turns out most people don't read profiles looking for commonalities. Instead they look through profiles for anything that could be used to EXCLUDE someone as a potential partner. With such a large group of options it's easy to pass on someone and move on the the next one. So keep your written profile short and sweet to limit the opportunities for exclusion.
- Women get thousands of emails their first week on a site like Match, and hundreds pretty much every week after. Yours needs to stand out. You can't just compliment a woman anymore. What I liked to do was send a girl a note inviting them to play a game of "2 truths and a lie" I would tell them three things about myself and one would be false. They could pretty much guess the answers by reading my profile. This gave them an opportunity to learn about me and respond if interested. It helped weed out the girls who wouldn't be, and thus not waste my time, and put me in a good position to engage in future conversation. It also starts the mentality of them having to work for me, they have to actively engage in conversation and actually read my profile to be able to have anything to say to me. This works about 90% of the time. Go ahead and try it.

And I am a testament to how well match.com works. I met my wife there and we've been together 3 years, married two, with a beautiful baby daughter. At the time we met she was a model and singer (work-safe pics in the Asian thread). She now owns her own boutique salon. So there are some smart and beautiful ones out there.

Best of luck to you all and remember this could be the best time of your life.

Whole lotta truth in there.

UNKNOWN_370 · 11-04-2013, 02:58 PM

Dude... I'm a make it short and sweet. Here's some relationship advice.

In a relationship... You can be a good guy, but never be the nice guy, nice guys finish last in relationships. Females get bored fast with nice guys.

Think about what I'm saying bruh.

Zbrah · 11-04-2013, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UNKNOWN_370

Dude... I'm a make it short and sweet. Here's some relationship advice.

In a relationship... You can be a good guy, but never be the nice guy, nice guys finish last in relationships. Females get bored fast with nice guys.

Think about what I'm saying bruh.

ElVee · 11-04-2013, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UNKNOWN_370

Dude... I'm a make it short and sweet. Here's some relationship advice.

In a relationship... You can be a good guy, but never be the nice guy, nice guys finish last in relationships. Females get bored fast with nice guys.

Think about what I'm saying bruh.

There *is* some psychological stuff going on here that makes this somewhat true. But it's also not true half the time.

Sometimes you have to qualify this a bit: When having sex, females get bored fast with nice guys. You can be nice otherwise, but go wild at some point.

And don't be nice at the expense of behind honest. If someone is a jerk, say they're a jerk; don't nice it up. Just as an example.

UNKNOWN_370 · 11-04-2013, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElVee

There *is* some psychological stuff going on here that makes this somewhat true. But it's also not true half the time.

Sometimes you have to qualify this a bit: When having sex, females get bored fast with nice guys. You can be nice otherwise, but go wild at some point.

And don't be nice at the expense of behind honest. If someone is a jerk, say they're a jerk; don't nice it up. Just as an example.

Dude... It's true all the time. And not just in sex. Being a pushover isn't going to help in life. Being a jerk isn't what I mean either... That's where being a good man comes in. Read what I wrote again.... But think about in a deeper sense than dating and sex. Think in terms of life situations.

ElVee · 11-05-2013, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UNKNOWN_370

Dude... It's true all the time. And not just in sex. Being a pushover isn't going to help in life. Being a jerk isn't what I mean either... That's where being a good man comes in. Read what I wrote again.... But think about in a deeper sense than dating and sex. Think in terms of life situations.

There's a difference between being a nice guy and being a pushover. I think we'd be on the same page if our definitions matched.

I know many women who want a nice guy, though some of them want a nice guy because they've been hurt (sometimes literally) by a not-nice guy.

And I was talking life situations as well. It's pretty relative what "nice" and "pushover" and "a$$hole" and "healthily assertive" means. I know people whom I consider a$$holes who think they're just being healthily assertive.

Read what I wrote again.

DIGItonium · 11-04-2013, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haboob

But, if you've been single your whole life it's different. I'm sick of being alone, I'm bored off of my *** anymore.

Put down that XBOX controller and go out with your single friends! Haha! I'm kidding.

Fun read, everyone. I think I lost a lot of productivity today from this thread. Unfortunately I think I'm catching the bug

If I feel well enough this weekend, I'm thinking about a small house party. Hopefully I can up the girl to guy ratio. Basically social events are fun, and it is good practice to have a few drinks to loosen up and talk to random girls. Don't go out with expectations and be spontaneous!

Haboob · 11-04-2013, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DIGItonium

Put down that XBOX controller and go out with your single friends! Haha! I'm kidding.

Fun read, everyone. I think I lost a lot of productivity today from this thread. Unfortunately I think I'm catching the bug

If I feel well enough this weekend, I'm thinking about a small house party. Hopefully I can up the girl to guy ratio. Basically social events are fun, and it is good practice to have a few drinks to loosen up and talk to random girls. Don't go out with expectations and be spontaneous!

Haha, I haven't really touched an Xbox stuff in a while!

And, that's the problem: I don't have any single friends anymore, or the one or two I do have don't do anything, but go out and drink etc. or we just go golfing.

I don't drink. I don't babysit (be a DD at the bar) either, because that never ends well.

Everything y'all are saying may be easy for an extroverted person, to just go out and start up a conversation with people, but it really isn't that easy. It's not a switch that can be turned on or off. I have tried, and it only works if it's sports - sports (talking and mainly participating) is the only thing I can turn on the "I don't care" factor for. If I could find a way to bleed that over into social situations, I would be ecstatic.

And apparently when people get married, they lose all of their single female friends.

Also, it's partly how I grew up. It's difficult to relate to people my age. Older people (my parents age) I don't have a problem with at all, since that's whom I grew up with.

ElVee · 11-04-2013, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haboob

Everything y'all are saying may be easy for an extroverted person, to just go out and start up a conversation with people, but it really isn't that easy. It's not a switch that can be turned on or off. I have tried, and it only works if it's sports - sports (talking and mainly participating) is the only thing I can turn on the "I don't care" factor for. If I could find a way to bleed that over into social situations, I would be ecstatic.

I'm introverted as well, and it's visible if you hang around me for any length of time. Social events need to be taken on *my* terms, and not sprung on me, otherwise I bristle and back away. Pair that with the fact that I detest casual conversations, makes me a bad person to just happen across and say, "how's the weather," to.

Once you know your limits, you can at least play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses. For me, it's initial eye contact and saying what's on my mind rather than being shy about it and just not saying much at all. My hardest part is simply the immediate icebreaker, but after that I'm good conversation and a good listener.

But it otherwise just takes practice to learn some lines and proper greetings. Sometimes it's all you can do to make yourself be approachable and let someone else make the first (technicall second) move. Give a smile and direct eye contact that stays longer than a quick glance, but shorter than an intense stare; maybe a nod of the head; you don't need to walk towards or face her, but make an attempt to square the shoulders towards her. If they respond with a smile, that's at least inviting some sort of comment, and not showing that they think you're a creep and hope you're just walking by.

Comment starters are best made about something you have in common. Maybe she's wearing something you genuinely like and you happen to know about it beyond that she looks sexy in it, like materials or labels or just the look in general. Worst case, you're both standing in the same physical area, so you do have that in common (grocery store vegetable aisle? movie ticket line? burger king? parking lot? bar with music playing?) Just try to not ask yes/no questions. And yes, that takes practice to think on your feet before you ask one.

Practice with people who aren't your type. Older ladies, women with rings, even guys. The pressure is clearly off, and they likely are fine with it.

I get the, "I don't care" deal. There are topics I don't care about, or conversations I don't care about. For those, you just have to steer it elsewhere, move on somewhere else, or just admit your ignorance or lack of exposure (not that you don't care, but that blank look of yours can be explained as just never having thought about it before). Ultimately, though, you're going to have to care about what they're saying and listen, so you can respond in kind. You might respond with a salutation and move on, but at least that's a positive interaction for both of you.

Lastly, not all comments and social interactions need to lead to deep conversation, especially if done in a place you frequent or you've seen someone else at a lot. A few hi's here and there and you can open up, "I've seen you around here a bunch, do you work near here..?"

Now I need some therapy...time to go get some groceries and say hi to 5 people as I do.

Chuck33079 · 11-04-2013, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haboob

Haha, I haven't really touched an Xbox stuff in a while!

And, that's the problem: I don't have any single friends anymore, or the one or two I do have don't do anything, but go out and drink etc. or we just go golfing.

I don't drink. I don't babysit (be a DD at the bar) either, because that never ends well.

Everything y'all are saying may be easy for an extroverted person, to just go out and start up a conversation with people, but it really isn't that easy. It's not a switch that can be turned on or off. I have tried, and it only works if it's sports - sports (talking and mainly participating) is the only thing I can turn on the "I don't care" factor for. If I could find a way to bleed that over into social situations, I would be ecstatic.

And apparently when people get married, they lose all of their single female friends.

Also, it's partly how I grew up. It's difficult to relate to people my age. Older people (my parents age) I don't have a problem with at all, since that's whom I grew up with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DIGItonium

Confidence, my friend. Practice it on girls that don't really matter to you. You just have to try your best to kick the habit of self doubt and negativity. It's okay. I'm not always in a happy mood either, but I try not so sulk alone at home unless I'm just too lazy to go anywhere.

What DIGI said.

What you're doing isn't working. Try something else.

It's very simple. It's not easy, but it's not complicated. Step one- be in places where there are women. If the places you frequent do not have women, go to different places. Step two- talk to them. You will get shut down. Many times. Oh well, it's a numbers game. The more you talk to, the better your odds.

Here's the question- why not go talk to every random chick that catches your eye? Most likely, nothing will come of it. Which is exactly the same as not talking to her at all. But at least you've got the chance. you lose nothing by trying. Otherwise, by not saying anything, you've captured all of the downside with none of the potential for success. They're just people, dude.

Or take the advice given earlier about how to online date successfully.

Haboob · 11-04-2013, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuck33079

What DIGI said.

What you're doing isn't working. Try something else.

It's very simple. It's not easy, but it's not complicated. Step one- be in places where there are women. If the places you frequent do not have women, go to different places. Step two- talk to them. You will get shut down. Many times. Oh well, it's a numbers game. The more you talk to, the better your odds.

Here's the question- why not go talk to every random chick that catches your eye? Most likely, nothing will come of it. Which is exactly the same as not talking to her at all. But at least you've got the chance. you lose nothing by trying. Otherwise, by not saying anything, you've captured all of the downside with none of the potential for success. They're just people, dude.

Or take the advice given earlier about how to online date successfully.

I agree with you, but for some people (like me) that is the hardest part. I can come up with what will seem to be a sea of excuses, but it is plain and simply not me (an introvert) to do something like that.

Have to "feel" people out before I can really open up.

As for every chick that catches my eye, I wouldn't know what to say to them after "Hello." Lol

Sent using Tapatalk.

DIGItonium · 11-04-2013, 03:47 PM

Haha, man my bud's fiancee had several cute friends who went to school with her. Now all of them are either married or getting married in their early 20s. There's one left over that hangs out with her often. She's a bit cute and nice, but she would drive me nuts. She's frugal to the extreme. When I mean extreme I'm talking no A/C at her place. Supposedly gets paper towels from school and tears them to individual pieces. When we used it to wipe down some spilled beer, she reused it to continue wiping the table. Bottled water? Heated up from the kettle and re-used 1 gallon milk containers. I'm told she was raised that way. [shrugs]

A couple of weeks ago I hit up the Toyota dealership to redeem a scratch ticket to see if I can get a gas voucher to give it to someone in need. I ended up with a lottery ticket. Anyhow, I saw this cute Asian girl working there. So I asked the guy working there about her. He introduced us and said "This gentleman needs help, and he doesn't speak a word of English." She turned to me and spoke lots of Vietnamese. She asked if I saw any cars of interest, and I said "no." She asked me what I was looking at, and I replied "A person." She cracked up and we had a good talk. I drove the Accord and she thought I was trading it in, and I told her I didn't have any interest. Then I talked to her about lunch the next day, and she handed me her card and number. The next morning I called I got shot down hard. She didn't remember who I was, and when I said "lunch" she told me she wasn't working and that she was leaving town. She quickly hung up afterwards.

She spared me grief. My friends knew her, and said she was bad news anyhow. In fact, she's cousins with the girl who is a nurse. Small world. See thread below:
Anyone who dated a nurse with a busy schedule?

Haboob · 11-04-2013, 03:47 PM

After all this, I'm just a flat out failure...

FML, oh well.

DIGItonium · 11-04-2013, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haboob

After all this, I'm just a flat out failure...

FML, oh well.

Confidence, my friend. Practice it on girls that don't really matter to you. You just have to try your best to kick the habit of self doubt and negativity. It's okay. I'm not always in a happy mood either, but I try not so sulk alone at home unless I'm just too lazy to go anywhere.

kenchan · 11-04-2013, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haboob

After all this, I'm just a flat out failure...

FML, oh well.

naw, dont worry about that. everyone feels that they are a failure at some point in life. i felt this since the moment i was born.

11-04-2013, 02:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
UNKNOWN_370 A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: ny'r livn in tx Posts: 8,687 Drives: well over 130m.p.h. Rep Power: 14859	Dude... I'm a make it short and sweet. Here's some relationship advice. In a relationship... You can be a good guy, but never be the nice guy, nice guys finish last in relationships. Females get bored fast with nice guys. Think about what I'm saying bruh. Haboob, coolvans1988 and Zbrah like this. __________________ Favorite Quote. "I'm not gonna kill you... I'm just gonna Bash Your Face In" Jack Nicholson-"The Shining". 1980

11-04-2013, 03:47 PM	#12 (permalink)
DIGItonium A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Kansas Posts: 3,800 Drives: 09 Z34-TT 6MT Rep Power: 43	Haha, man my bud's fiancee had several cute friends who went to school with her. Now all of them are either married or getting married in their early 20s. There's one left over that hangs out with her often. She's a bit cute and nice, but she would drive me nuts. She's frugal to the extreme. When I mean extreme I'm talking no A/C at her place. Supposedly gets paper towels from school and tears them to individual pieces. When we used it to wipe down some spilled beer, she reused it to continue wiping the table. Bottled water? Heated up from the kettle and re-used 1 gallon milk containers. I'm told she was raised that way. [shrugs] A couple of weeks ago I hit up the Toyota dealership to redeem a scratch ticket to see if I can get a gas voucher to give it to someone in need. I ended up with a lottery ticket. Anyhow, I saw this cute Asian girl working there. So I asked the guy working there about her. He introduced us and said "This gentleman needs help, and he doesn't speak a word of English." She turned to me and spoke lots of Vietnamese. She asked if I saw any cars of interest, and I said "no." She asked me what I was looking at, and I replied "A person." She cracked up and we had a good talk. I drove the Accord and she thought I was trading it in, and I told her I didn't have any interest. Then I talked to her about lunch the next day, and she handed me her card and number. The next morning I called I got shot down hard. She didn't remember who I was, and when I said "lunch" she told me she wasn't working and that she was leaving town. She quickly hung up afterwards. She spared me grief. My friends knew her, and said she was bad news anyhow. In fact, she's cousins with the girl who is a nurse. Small world. See thread below: Anyone who dated a nurse with a busy schedule? __________________

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11-04-2013, 03:47 PM	#13 (permalink)
Haboob A True Z Fanatic Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Surface of the sun. Posts: 13,159 Drives: '18 GTI Autobahn DSG Rep Power: 1388	After all this, I'm just a flat out failure... FML, oh well.