Confidence, my friend. Practice it on girls that don't really matter to you. You just have to try your best to kick the habit of self doubt and negativity. It's okay. I'm not always in a happy mood either, but I try not so sulk alone at home unless I'm just too lazy to go anywhere.

Sometimes its too much like work, I get done at work, I am tired from all the BS I hear from people and employees, sometime I go to the park for a walk afterwards, then I am really tired, and I deal with people all day so being sleep deprived is a NO NO. The Z needs attention too!

naw, dont worry about that. everyone feels that they are a failure at some point in life. i felt this since the moment i was born. :icon17:

I'm introverted as well, and it's visible if you hang around me for any length of time. Social events need to be taken on *my* terms, and not sprung on me, otherwise I bristle and back away. Pair that with the fact that I detest casual conversations, makes me a bad person to just happen across and say, "how's the weather," to.

Once you know your limits, you can at least play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses. For me, it's initial eye contact and saying what's on my mind rather than being shy about it and just not saying much at all. My hardest part is simply the immediate icebreaker, but after that I'm good conversation and a good listener.

But it otherwise just takes practice to learn some lines and proper greetings. Sometimes it's all you can do to make yourself be approachable and let someone else make the first (technicall second) move. Give a smile and direct eye contact that stays longer than a quick glance, but shorter than an intense stare; maybe a nod of the head; you don't need to walk towards or face her, but make an attempt to square the shoulders towards her. If they respond with a smile, that's at least inviting some sort of comment, and not showing that they think you're a creep and hope you're just walking by.

Comment starters are best made about something you have in common. Maybe she's wearing something you genuinely like and you happen to know about it beyond that she looks sexy in it, like materials or labels or just the look in general. Worst case, you're both standing in the same physical area, so you do have that in common (grocery store vegetable aisle? movie ticket line? burger king? parking lot? bar with music playing?) Just try to not ask yes/no questions. And yes, that takes practice to think on your feet before you ask one.

Practice with people who aren't your type. Older ladies, women with rings, even guys. The pressure is clearly off, and they likely are fine with it.

I get the, "I don't care" deal. There are topics I don't care about, or conversations I don't care about. For those, you just have to steer it elsewhere, move on somewhere else, or just admit your ignorance or lack of exposure (not that you don't care, but that blank look of yours can be explained as just never having thought about it before). Ultimately, though, you're going to have to care about what they're saying and listen, so you can respond in kind. You might respond with a salutation and move on, but at least that's a positive interaction for both of you.

Lastly, not all comments and social interactions need to lead to deep conversation, especially if done in a place you frequent or you've seen someone else at a lot. A few hi's here and there and you can open up, "I've seen you around here a bunch, do you work near here..?"

Now I need some therapy...time to go get some groceries and say hi to 5 people as I do. :)

What DIGI said.

What you're doing isn't working. Try something else.

It's very simple. It's not easy, but it's not complicated. Step one- be in places where there are women. If the places you frequent do not have women, go to different places. Step two- talk to them. You will get shut down. Many times. Oh well, it's a numbers game. The more you talk to, the better your odds.

Here's the question- why not go talk to every random chick that catches your eye? Most likely, nothing will come of it. Which is exactly the same as not talking to her at all. But at least you've got the chance. you lose nothing by trying. Otherwise, by not saying anything, you've captured all of the downside with none of the potential for success. They're just people, dude.

Or take the advice given earlier about how to online date successfully.

I agree with you, but for some people (like me) that is the hardest part. I can come up with what will seem to be a sea of excuses, but it is plain and simply not me (an introvert) to do something like that.

Have to "feel" people out before I can really open up.



As for every chick that catches my eye, I wouldn't know what to say to them after "Hello." Lol


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:shakes head:
Sir...with all due respect, the problem is you're trying to pick up girls a few generations later than your time. Stick to ladies your own age and I think you'd find more interesting things to carry on the conversation, like wwII, aarp, social security, catheters, dentures, great depression? :wtf2:

That's true, and thanks for the advice. And usually, ice breakers aren't quite an issue, it's "Oh ****, what do I say afterwards?" :icon17:


Usually it's easier if I'm with someone I know as well, like a friend brought them along - then I can just kind of jump in here and again, then the next time we all meet I can be more open. It's that feeling out situation, and I tend to do okay when it happens this way - I just haven't met anyone that I was attracted to or the like.


:rofl2:

Dude... It's true all the time. And not just in sex. Being a pushover isn't going to help in life. Being a jerk isn't what I mean either... That's where being a good man comes in. Read what I wrote again.... But think about in a deeper sense than dating and sex. Think in terms of life situations.

:tup: have to have an open mind. After all , its only a date, or an evening. Go into anything like that with the intent to just have a fun evening, nothing more. No expectations. You never know. I met my husband on a blind date that I almost didnt go on :tup:

Hit the gym and try to become friends with a cute girl thats a beginner.
Not too chubby, thin, or one of those eye candy girls that we will occasionally glance at... But aim for a cute average looking girl. Maybe it's a start.

not sure, but if you're one of them good looking athletic types hitting on girls at the gym, i dont think they'd be posting here..? :ugh:

True. I've been on a couple of dates and was kind of nervous, but afterwards I was in the mindset of, "That was fun. I'd like to do this again right away." But wasn't ever anywhere I could act on that, since it wore off after a days work. Lol

It really depends on their personality. This girl I'm just friends with now (friend zoned hard, because she didn't want a relationship)... Her and I just clicked I guess. I couldn't get enough of her personality. It took a bit to get over the door being slammed in my face, but I'm over it now.

It's funny though, the few opportunities I've had have just fallen in my lap. I never went out really looking for them.


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It's okay, I'm in the same boat. Look on the bright side. There are people who are in a much worse situation, so embrace what you have and your qualities. You can't really change who you really are other than to evolve as you grow older. So what if I'm a nice guy? My quality as a "nice guy" is what makes me approachable and sociable with anyone. I can't change that, but at least I can try to be smarter about it. Just be yourself and have some fun.

Think about your interests and figure out some conversation starters. Don't think too hard or your mind will go blank.

As I've been told, there's someone for everyone. I've come to accept it's not my time yet, so I'll work on myself and explore whenever I can. I just need to start making the moves sooner, but half the time I hesitate or the timing isn't right.

Lol! It does take effort. I was reading Stephen King (my absolute fav author and fav thing to do) eating frozen pizza...took a lot of effort to leave my cozy clean home to venture into the unknown but i did, here i am almost 20 years later...get out that comfort zone dood. Push yourself. More effort equals more opportunities-somebody else said that too! Lol gotta try.

That's absolutely right. It takes effort and practice. That's why it's called chasing *****, not tripping over *****.

:tiphat:

The chase is part of the excitement of dating...

My favorite part!

Here's the forecast for my birthday:
http://media.rofls.com/5b/3f/5b3f5a6...3e91cb20ff.jpg

I'm also taking tomorrow off... feeling a bit sick and I can't risk getting anyone else sick at work. Good way to start my year lol.

Lol

I never really celebrate my birthday either, or other holidays. I think I'm going to try and change that from this point forward, maybe go out with friends and have them invite people they know.


Would be a better way for me to meet people, if my friends actually have any single friends.

Good idea. I was trying to do that just now. I don't want it to end up straight up all dudes at my house. I don't want to end up with another dude knocked out on my bed while I sleep drunk on my couch, and then have to drive his arse home early in the morning while hungover. No no... not going to repeat that.

DIGI oi!

If you are looking for a nice Vietnamese girl you need to move to Dallas. My wife is Vietnamese and has lots of very cute single friends, and I don't have many single guy friends who like Asian girls.

If you ever end up down here look me up, I'd be happy to show you around town and make some introductions.

This thread is very sad. :icon17:

Jump on e-harmony or something OP, do somethin with your life. :tup:

:icon17:


Sorry it's so sad.


If eHarmony wasn't so expensive, I'd try that.


I tried a month of Match.com and it was pointless. 90% of the girls aren't paid accounts and can't communicate. :facepalm:

Nah, I don't need dating sites. Hope not. It beats going back to Vietnam to find a wife I tell ya.

OMG, I'd love to drive to Dallas for the weekend. I'm already taking this Friday! Don't know if I can make it back sober though lol.

This is me in Dallas last year. I drank a lot at my friend's wedding, whom he met his wife on eHarmony. Then we hit up an awesome club (too wasted to remember the name), but there was this cute Viet girl DJ who played some awesome tracks I couldn't help but dance. My friends try to blackmail me with the video of myself doing the seizure dance while messed up on what appears to be a mix of Goose and some sort of Rx that someone laced in my shot. It was bad and my friends didn't try hard enough to stop me from taking it. I told my friends that I would pretend to be messed up so people won't give me anymore shots. Little did I know it was already too late.
http://www.the370z.com/attachment.ph...1&d=1383622784

jdate.com , cougarlife.com, farmers.com etc?

:roflpuke2:


No.

Dude, I'm there! I'm only a few hours away! ;)

This looks like you're at the iHop in Frisco. If so you're minutes from my house and 2 very cute girls my wife has been looking to set up. Next time you're in town let me know. We don't get out much now that we have a baby, but with enough notice we could set something up, or have a dinner party type thing.

Half of her friends are old school Vietnamese - been here a few years and speak kind of broken English (like my wife when I met her). The other half are American who speaks some Vietnamese. Most are out of their first marriages, some with kids. They're all cute in their own ways but all good options for wife material.

I feel it's also going to be 10x more difficult to find a single girl that hasn't popped a child out.

See your fellow Zbros (or Zbraz? Haha) are coming to the recuse! Tell me other car forum members will do that! What will you do with you are Zless? It is a sign my friend. It is the Zlife for you. That was Zdicoulous and I don't care. I think I'm still drunk... Maybe a little.:happydance:

There's a difference between being a nice guy and being a pushover. I think we'd be on the same page if our definitions matched. :) I know many women who want a nice guy, though some of them want a nice guy because they've been hurt (sometimes literally) by a not-nice guy.

And I was talking life situations as well. It's pretty relative what "nice" and "pushover" and "a$$hole" and "healthily assertive" means. I know people whom I consider a$$holes who think they're just being healthily assertive.

Read what I wrote again. :)

Thanks! I'll keep that in mind. Some of my friends and I were talking about Dallas trip this weekend, but it's a bit short notice.

Bingo, that's it. It's like I tell my kempo students before a belt test, "Relax and have fun". I'm finishing up a messy divorce (2 years and counting), so I'm in no hurry to get 'stuck' with anyone. Dating sites are okay, you still have to filter out the BS ('athletic = almost fat, 'in shape' = no, round is not a shape), the ones that are doped to the gills (either self-medicated or Big Pharma fans) and the ones that are looking for someone to mooch off of.

It was just a suggestion to try something new and change up his routine. And I don't hit on the girls at the gym lol, I'm happily married.

Besides, the gym is a questionable place to hit on girls. You're sweaty and gross and amped up on testosterone, and likely the girls are being rather self-conscious in their routines and get-up. Often they would like nothing better than to be left alone from the creeps at the gym. I tend to enjoy the view, but never do anything to make them creeped out or discouraged from being there.

Bets are off if they come up to you, though. :)

Follow your nature instinct. When it feels right, go for it. If not, just wait. Everything happens for a reason. For me, not following my gut only causes problems.

I'm playing the numbers game right now, which is nice since I'm able to interact with random girls and get their numbers. They're a bit on the young side of the spectrum, but it's enough to keep me moving forward so I definitely have no interest or urge to contact my ex.

Somehow it feels like there's a stigma with my occupation as an engineer. About 5-7 years ago (well before the burst of the economic bubble), things were great. When I tell people I'm an engineer, they're in awe as if I'm high up there in the ranks. I find myself questioning why people think engineers are wealthy or something along the lines of that. Now it's like a mood killer in the conversation. Where I'm at most engineers (including myself) are working in aviation, and it has been a rocky one since 2009. There are some companies in the technology sector, but it pays nowhere near as much as aviation companies. I talked to this random girl on Friday, and the fact that I'm an engineer seem to be a mood killer for her. When I got her number, she gave me her Google Voice number. I didn't really hear much from her the next day.

Then there's the stigma about engineers overall. Back in March, a random girl I met at the bar was cool until she asked about my occupation. When I said "engineer," the ship started sinking and I was drowning. She said "engineers are socially awkward," so she put me in that category all night long. I did get her number, though. But that was it.

:icon17:

Yeah, I don't enjoy telling people I do IT work, because I get that "Oh...." reaction.

I'm not the stereotypical IT person though, so I have to kind of let them know that. :ugh2:

I'm a network engineer.. :ugh: and I fall in this category.