Over 30 and still single, post here.

ElVee · 01-10-2014, 02:37 PM

I could go either way on planning for first dates. I am not about to exert a potentially aversive amount of effort on a date for someone I may not actually want a second date with. As I get serious about someone, I'll definitely do more planning on dates, especially special occasions. But then, you get to know your partner far better and date ideas come more naturally without nearly as much planning. There are always exceptions, and maybe I want to try something out on someone, and that's totally cool. Just be sure to keep it lighthearted and not make it seem like you're desperate or ready to be ultra-clingy, ya know?

Most of the time, I really just want dinner, maybe coffee/movie or hang out somewhere so we can both get to know each other on a completely innocent level. Maybe do something new or try something out if she's game for it and I've at least met her before. But most of the time, first dates mean introduction and get-to-know-you time.

A movie where you may not talk for 2 hours might actually be a good thing. For me, I love movies and I'm an introvert. I don't require constant conversation in order to "spend time with someone." If my date can't handle that, we won't date much.

It's not that I am shy and don't WANT to talk to her, but I need to know a woman can handle that and enjoy it. Besides, if you can spend time together but not REQUIRE interaction on a huge level, that might say something about how compatible you two may be living together for a long period of time. Silence and being comfortable around each other without doing the same thing is a big deal in the long run. In a way, it's like saying those silences in the middle of a conversation should be comfortable silences, not uncomfortable ones. It's the things done in between the big moments that support the happiness.

In the end, everyone is different and has different ideas on what is fun or useful for a first or any date. Don't dash someone else's ideas just because they're not your idea of fun.

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01-10-2014, 02:37 PM	#11 (permalink)
ElVee Track Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Iowa Posts: 750 Drives: 13 370z 7at t+s grey Rep Power: 17	I could go either way on planning for first dates. I am not about to exert a potentially aversive amount of effort on a date for someone I may not actually want a second date with. As I get serious about someone, I'll definitely do more planning on dates, especially special occasions. But then, you get to know your partner far better and date ideas come more naturally without nearly as much planning. There are always exceptions, and maybe I want to try something out on someone, and that's totally cool. Just be sure to keep it lighthearted and not make it seem like you're desperate or ready to be ultra-clingy, ya know? Most of the time, I really just want dinner, maybe coffee/movie or hang out somewhere so we can both get to know each other on a completely innocent level. Maybe do something new or try something out if she's game for it and I've at least met her before. But most of the time, first dates mean introduction and get-to-know-you time. A movie where you may not talk for 2 hours might actually be a good thing. For me, I love movies and I'm an introvert. I don't require constant conversation in order to "spend time with someone." If my date can't handle that, we won't date much. It's not that I am shy and don't WANT to talk to her, but I need to know a woman can handle that and enjoy it. Besides, if you can spend time together but not REQUIRE interaction on a huge level, that might say something about how compatible you two may be living together for a long period of time. Silence and being comfortable around each other without doing the same thing is a big deal in the long run. In a way, it's like saying those silences in the middle of a conversation should be comfortable silences, not uncomfortable ones. It's the things done in between the big moments that support the happiness. In the end, everyone is different and has different ideas on what is fun or useful for a first or any date. Don't dash someone else's ideas just because they're not your idea of fun.