Over 30 and still single, post here.

Misnomer

I'm not saying Frozen isn't a great movie, just that it might not be the best conversation fodder for two people who don't know each other yet.

Why does a first date have to be ALL talking? Why can't there be both talking and entertainment? First dates are about getting to know each other, but that can happen whether you're talking or not. Do you laugh at the same lines? Does she cry way too easily, or text during the movie? Does he leave his trash on the floor? Etc. It's not that you're studying the other person or critiquing them the whole time or anything, it's just that little things like that can tell you just as much about someone -- and your level of compatibility with them -- as their words.

I'm clearly in the minority here, but I think a movie + dinner/coffee/drinks (movie first!) is a perfectly good first date. I also think that a show + dinner/coffee/drinks is a great first date, and you aren't talking during those, either.

saber

I agree there should be talking and entertainment! But I would think something more interactive would be more fun and constructive.

__________________

魂の中にある一条の光を信じて

Misnomer

I'm just saying not necessarily. But I can agree to disagree.

Ghostvette

I agree. The movie/dinner/drinks has been my 'reliable' first date. It gives me an opportunity to be observant and ask questions/talk over dinner. I've had more than my share of dates that didn't get past the dinner stage because of no chemistry or the 'I'm glued to my phone texting everyone else rather than talking to you' behavior. IMHO, the latter is just rude. Emergencies are one thing, but having a texting conversation with who knows who while at dinner with someone else smacks of high school behavior and over 30 is just ignorant. Yes, first dates are nerve-wracking, we both want to make a good impression, but not seem desperate.

I had one 'first-date' that I knew within 5 minutes it wasn't going anywhere. Trying to get simple information like 'what do you do' was like pulling teeth. She kept talking about how someone was coming over to her house to do a photo-shoot for a magazine and topics that were all about her. Not a single question about what I do, just a litany of complaints. I said "you know, maybe we should try this another time, this just doesn't seem to be a good day." Probably a wise choice, because she had cancelled the first 2 attempts to get together. I chalked it up as a learning experience, and I don't worry about it.

Like Chuck said earlier in this thread, it's a numbers game. Somewhere out there is someone we can get along with, don't be in a hurry, just relax and have fun.

__________________
2015 Magma Red 6MT Sport Tech/2012 Fairlady MB 6MT Base (RIP 08032018)https://www.nicoclub.com/FSM/370Z/Coupe/

saber

Is there such a thing as an overplanned date? I typically waffle on setting things up, like I would have a dinner place set up but then figure out the rest spontaneously (although I have some options in mind). Hence yesterday we ate then just randomly watched a movie because it was right there and she wanted to watch something.

I only noticed there was a basketball game that looked interesting later this month so I'm basically planning a day out piece by piece...but is that overkill?

__________________

魂の中にある一条の光を信じて

Misnomer

Yes. Do you honestly have to ask me that at this point in the thread? It's clear that we don't agree on this point. I guess we'll never have a first date.

Go back to how this started: it was about offering to let the woman pick the activity, and you said that the guy should do all of the planning. We don't disagree about what you're saying now, just what you said then.

Except this bit isn't a matter of opinion. You've said that all girls and women think the same, and I'm a woman saying "Um, not quite/not always." There's nothing to "agree to disagree" about: your generality is incorrect.

"Making this about you/me"? You made it about you when you expressed your opinion, just like I made it about me by expressing mine. We are disagreeing with each other, therefore this is, in fact, about you and me.

Seriously, though, I'm sorry if you were offended by being asked how old your girlfriends have been. It seemed germane to our discussion. If you'd rather just end this part of the conversation, that's cool with me.

I'd say yes, but also that what you're talking about doesn't qualify. I'd say that "overplanned" would be a date that includes more than two elements: dinner and a movie, drinks and a ballgame, etc. Not that you need two or can't do more than two things, but if you've already planned two parts the rest of it (if there is a "rest of it") should be spontaneous.

Keep in mind, too, that there's a difference between a first/early date and a date with someone you've been seeing for a while, who might not care if you plan out an entire day.

exsanity

Yes, I think so. I usually have a few ideas to throw out there, but nothing planned.

__________________

ElVee

I could go either way on planning for first dates. I am not about to exert a potentially aversive amount of effort on a date for someone I may not actually want a second date with. As I get serious about someone, I'll definitely do more planning on dates, especially special occasions. But then, you get to know your partner far better and date ideas come more naturally without nearly as much planning. There are always exceptions, and maybe I want to try something out on someone, and that's totally cool. Just be sure to keep it lighthearted and not make it seem like you're desperate or ready to be ultra-clingy, ya know?

Most of the time, I really just want dinner, maybe coffee/movie or hang out somewhere so we can both get to know each other on a completely innocent level. Maybe do something new or try something out if she's game for it and I've at least met her before. But most of the time, first dates mean introduction and get-to-know-you time.

A movie where you may not talk for 2 hours might actually be a good thing. For me, I love movies and I'm an introvert. I don't require constant conversation in order to "spend time with someone." If my date can't handle that, we won't date much. It's not that I am shy and don't WANT to talk to her, but I need to know a woman can handle that and enjoy it. Besides, if you can spend time together but not REQUIRE interaction on a huge level, that might say something about how compatible you two may be living together for a long period of time. Silence and being comfortable around each other without doing the same thing is a big deal in the long run. In a way, it's like saying those silences in the middle of a conversation should be comfortable silences, not uncomfortable ones. It's the things done in between the big moments that support the happiness.

In the end, everyone is different and has different ideas on what is fun or useful for a first or any date. Don't dash someone else's ideas just because they're not your idea of fun.

Cmike2780

I thought fat chicks were supposed to be jolly

__________________

[09][MB][6-Spd MT][Touring][Stillen Gen III][K&N][Borla CBE][Evo-R]

dtul

I've taken a few girls to a local art gallery that lets you spray paint on the walls. It really was a lot of fun, and they always enjoyed it. Two of those first dates resulted in long-term relationships and one of those probably wouldn't have even been a second date if we'd just gone the normal dinner and a movie route. Mix it up and be creative, girls love it. You can be the most boring person in the world, but it makes you seem exciting and creative and unafraid to break the trends for what is normally expected of you. Just never go to a sporting event on a first date. Terrible idea the two times I tried it.

XiP

__________________
I <3 Frost!!!

122554

What a great idea! Get on a forum of people u don't know, where the only thing u have in common is a car, and ask about dating!

You'll go far!

FAIL

__________________


I don't normally drink beer, but when I do....i drink a lot!

XiP

__________________
I <3 Frost!!!

Haboob

please.

exsanity

__________________