All of my shirts are wrinkled

Blowing up the toilet from drinking wine and beer last night

Cocaine deal gone bad -- sold to an undercover DEA agent

Drove a Porsche GT2, fell in love, and will be driving to the beach with an $800 a night hooker

Everything I own is on the front yard under the sprinklers after my wife found my last American Express statement and it had 14 different charges of $800 each to Madame Wong's House of Massage and Happy Endings in Coon Rapids, MN

Forgot to tell onzedge to use my card so he wouldn't get caught; helping him deal with the yard sale as a result.

Gas main was leaking and I lit a blunt -- blowing up my house and two of my neighbor's homes

Hash oil production mishap

Itching all over from my encounter at Juanita's Pleasure Palace over the weekend

Just need to remind you that if Onzedge used your card, we'd now be helping YOU deal with your yard sale. :roflpuke2:

Kick boxing tournament went horribly wrong and I have a broken nose and am full of pain killers

Loss the memory of how to get to work because the happy-ending at Madame Wong's place turned into a memorable-butt-hurting-ending...

Making waffles for the 800 dollar an hour professionals who stayed over last night

Napping with the 800 dollar an hour professionals who played "teacher&student" last night

Opening up a can of "whoop-azz" on some bikers who were revving their Harleys too loud when I was trying to get some work done and I overestimated my abilities so I am in the hospital

Bump

Picking up one too many $800 dollar a night hookers, now I can't afford gas money to get to work and am too ashamed to tell my boss, so I lied and said I have the flu.

Quit drinking cold turkey and am having delirium tremens along with seizures

Read the calendar wrong and thought today is Sunday....

Sat up all night mourning the death of my beloved gerbil that a friend of mine wrapped up in duct tape and...

…tuck it in the trunk and go to wal mart grocery shopping thus cannot go to work

Underwear is all ripped to shreds

very sleepy

untied shoe

wary after travelling

Xylophone accient

Bump

Yellow fever

Zoophilic experimentation at the petting zoo and got caught

Appetite For Destruction

Back in Black

Club Ninja

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Earthling

Face the Music

Galore

Houses of the Holy

In Utero

jelly (for ultrasound)