Kick boxing competition with Chuck Norris

Lovin' two women at thew same time

Marrying Rosie O'donnell

New car being driven by a 16 yr old ...

Opening a "can of whup-azz" with 5 Hell's Angels who cut you off on an off-ramp

Pissing on a police cruiser

Quickly telling your wife that you must have gotten the crabs from a toilet seat...

Removing the tag from your mattress

Sleeping with your sister-in-law whilst camping to "conserve body heat."

Test driving your freshly tuned Z on a lonesome stretch of highway rarely patrolled, despite just having got your license back...

Under the sheets orher than your wife in the chilly winter nights

Vying to be first in line at the amusement park

Working as Rosie O'Donnell's personal trainer and life coach

Wolf whistling at a female mma event.

crap... you beat me.

X-ray results show the dog did swallow your wife’s wedding ring, and now the real hunt begins....

Yelling "Does anyone have change for a $100? I need to feed the parking meter." while you are in East Oakland CA at 11 PM on a Friday...

Zebra riding at the zoo just to see how far you can get.

Lets try a new category called “poor choices for gifts” for your wife or girlfriend....

Aerosol spray for her bathroom...

Bathroom Scale

Canister Vac

Diet Cookbooks

Edible underwear in the “tuna fish” flavor

Falsies to insert in her bra before attending your 20th high school reuniion

Gray hair touch up coloring

Hemorrhoid cream, a case of it...

Ironing board

Jelly of the Month Club membership

Kardashian dvd's on morals, fashion diet and fitness.

Listerine (in the gallon sized jug)

a Mop

“Nair” with a 9” roller applicator brush to get that hair off her backside

Oil change coupon from Jiffy Lube

Pabst Blue Ribbon 6 pack

Queen Latifah's exercise video

Register her for free hearing aid testing

Subscription to Weight Watchers magazine

Two pairs of orthotic shoes

Underwear from Lane Bryant store