"25 awesome Jeremy Clarkson quotes" (Top gear)

frost

#25 is my favorite




Jeremy Clarkson certainly has a way with words. One of my personal favorites was in reference to the new Caparo T1. “When this thing goes on sale, there isn’t going to be a ditch in the land or a hedge row that isn’t full of Premiereship footballers who are broken and on fire.” Enjoy.

1. “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”

2. [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”

3. [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.”

4. “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.”

5. “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”

6. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… being stabbed?”

7. [On Detroit] “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”

8. “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”

9. [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

10. [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”

11. [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

12. “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”

13. “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”

14. “If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”

15. “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”

16. [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

17. [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t
you?”

18. “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”

19. “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’”

20. “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”

21. [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG] “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

22. “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.”

23. “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”

24. “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”

25. “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”

Anatoray

All awesome quotes, but the one about british tv porn is wrong. I've been there twice and discovered they apparently don't give a damn, because porn was showing on regular TV during PRIMETIME.

Lyndo

hahahah those are my favs but a lot of those made me lol

LiquidZ

hahahahahaha

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AK370Z

Nice.

I always love when he announces stig with a "some says he is a _____, all we know he's THE STIG!"

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G37Sam

You forget this one haha

"I'm going to put this up here where you can't reach it, Richard"

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370Z Purist

"What is the Stig? We don't know. All we know is that he's a race driver. And his opinions don't count, since he's a race driver and has a tiny little brain. What does a race driver know about cars? Nothing, except how to race them."

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-Phil

"Since one of my brake light bulbs just went out, the forum told me that my piston rings are about to blow."

GreenJalapeno

haahha thank you!

i love top gear.. i have alll the seasons!

Togo

that show is great. i need to get the episodes on dvd or something

BMW Killa

Total rep point for making me laugh.

bigaudiofanat

LMAO that was good man I never though he said all those but darn he did. Sorry for bringing up an old thread.

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frost

I love resurrecting old threads. I think of it as a hobby

GMZ

I lol when the Stig listens to morse code while on the track

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