4r3s's quitting smoking Journal

Originally Posted by 4r3s

Well I'm day 11 and haven't cheated or slipped yet. Not thinking about smoking has gotten a lot easier and the thought of smoking a cigarette kind of makes me ill. My biggest problem lately has been finding new ways to deal with stress. I feel like a little pussy for it and I know there is nothing unique in this situation to me that no one else in this world hasn't already delt with but I can't help but feel alone. Just don't know what to do with myself since my ex left me. Its happened a few times now, whenever I get close to feeling good about myself and building my confidence back up I get some type of message from her. None of them say she wants me back but I can read between the lines and she doesn't know what the hell she wants. Its been difficult because I don't want to be alone anymore but I know I can't be with her again because I would only be setting myself up to be hurt again. But on the flip side I keep thinking of the good times we shared and I keep fooling myself into thinking shes going to come back and things can/will be the way they once were. I know I have a lot to offer someone special in my life and I know I deserve to be treated a whole lot better than this but I can't seem to help myself. I'm a freakin mess and I have no idea why I'm sharing this for the whole world to see.