affliction

Bursitis acting up

Còck size (stolen from page 1)

Delayed because of weather conditions

ear ache

aka Cheech & Chong

:icon18:

foot fungus infestation

gonorrhoea

Horny in the hospital

Ichthyologist appointment for my sick goldfish

Jock itch I haven't been bathing much its made its way to my butt crack

Knife accident

Laying in bed with two $800 a night hookers and trying to get my money's worth.

mono

Nut allergies acting up

onion breath

Open sores on my lip from an $80 dollar a night hooker I had before payday.

...pubic sores I'd be worried about, from the same $80 a night hooker. :ugh2:

Quivering from alcohol withdrawal

Bump

Ripping brutal farts during the morning commute, so I turned around and drove home to take some Beano.

sh!tting my pants on the way into the office and have to go back and change my skivvies, but I was wearing the last pair of clean ones and had to go commando the rest of the day

Took Cialis the night before, woke up with morning wood. Need to get my money's worth.

under the weather after peyote journey over the weekend -- woke up Monday and had been metamorphosed into a crow

Bump

vasovagal reaction to a session of acupuncture

Wind storm blew down a tree across my driveway

XXX movie marathon and I can't leave my couch.

yellow stains on all my trousers

Zipper-nipped the tip of my wang while I was in a hurry to take a piss.

New Category: Worst places to take the Z

Afghanistan

Bora-Bora

Compton Ave at 3AM

Detroit

entrances to steep driveways when you are lowered

four-wheeling

gravel roads

Home Depot to pick up lumber

Bump

Icy roads