Joke of the Day

Togo · 11-13-2009, 02:20 PM

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy

XwChriswX · 11-13-2009, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and
said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have
one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

Yet again more proof women are evil lol

Togo · 11-13-2009, 02:21 PM

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Togo · 11-13-2009, 02:22 PM

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after
mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Togo · 11-13-2009, 02:22 PM

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Togo · 11-13-2009, 02:22 PM

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants
every woman to satisfy his one need.

Togo · 11-13-2009, 02:23 PM

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

XwChriswX · 11-13-2009, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What if you've got the high pitched squeaks?!

Togo · 11-13-2009, 02:24 PM

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

"When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Togo · 11-13-2009, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XwChriswX

What if you've got the high pitched squeaks?!

lol idk.. might be a dilemma

phelan · 11-13-2009, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Togo

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

oh man, i could make such a religiously inappropriate comment for an answer to this one...

XwChriswX · 11-13-2009, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phelan

oh man, i could make such a religiously inappropriate comment for an answer to this one...

Do it!!!!

Togo · 11-13-2009, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phelan

oh man, i could make such a religiously inappropriate comment for an answer to this one...

i'm already rofl'ing

frost · 11-14-2009, 03:41 PM

Marketing

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with some friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her, points at you and says, "He's fantastic in bed."

That's Advertising

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call saying, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Telemarketing

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You get up, straighten your tie, walk up and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed."

That's Brand Recognition

Togo · 11-14-2009, 03:43 PM

lol nice one frost

11-13-2009, 02:20 PM	#391 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 659	Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 02:21 PM	#393 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 659	Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 02:22 PM	#394 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 659	Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 02:22 PM	#395 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 659	Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 02:22 PM	#396 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 659	Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 02:23 PM	#397 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 659	Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-13-2009, 02:24 PM	#399 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 659	When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan

11-14-2009, 03:41 PM	#404 (permalink)
frost Retired admin Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Winterfell Posts: 106,613 Drives: Your Wife Crazy Rep Power: 0	Marketing You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing You're at a party with some friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her, points at you and says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call saying, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You get up, straighten your tie, walk up and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations You see a gorgeous girl at a party. She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition

11-14-2009, 03:43 PM	#405 (permalink)
Togo A True Z Fanatic Join Date: May 2009 Location: E. Northport, NY Posts: 7,597 Drives: Stuff Rep Power: 659	lol nice one frost __________________ This will decimate all after you put about fifteen grand in it or more, and if we have to, overnight parts from Japan. Joe Clem and Koeppel Nissan