| Red__Zed |
09-29-2011 03:04 PM |
Rules and strategies for getting along on the forum
Top ten rules for getting along on the370z.com
1: If you are hoping to successfully troll the forum, avoid the man for whom the Zed trolls.
2: Nissan 370z is the best RWD car available. The M3 is the best bang for buck under 100k. Do not let this contradiction confuse you... failing to understand this paradox may result in amputation of your dominant hand, and in severe cases, a temporary ban from the forum.
3: Do not talk about the tea. If you were not there, just let it be.
4: If you are comparing a car that is faster than the Z, it is a "driver's race". Any car slower than the Z will "get dusted". If another car is demonstrated to be faster, cite the Z's "superior balance"
5: If someone on the board owns a car faster than a 370z, insult his/her manhood.
6: If at all possible, avoid admitting you like the Z for any personal reason. Instead cite useless magazine numbers to prove the Z's superiority. If at all possible, compare blades' best quarter mile time to the worst possible time for the car to be compared.
7: Only buy a 370z if you are willing to compromise on interior quality. If you want quality inside, buy an EVO, however...performance will suffer.
8: Full bolt-ons for $2500 to net 19whp makes modding the Z great for bang-for-buck. $400 to add 50whp to a bimmer makes them "too-expensive to mod"
9: Laugh at cars with a Solid Rear Axle whenever possible.
10: the 370z is pure sex. It is hot, loud, and rough.
Rule A: Don't piss off Frosty
Dealing with fanbois:
From time to time, rejects seeking to justify their purchase of an inferior car will stumble across our forum. These simple strategies can help you address this situations appropriately.
Mustang Owners: The nefarious trolls frequently descend from the line of Scuba Steve. Intoxicated by the superior straight line performance and inflated dyno numbers generated by superior confidence and red paint, they cannot help but reach for more...committing the cardinal sin of any Z owner-- trading for a Mustang.
Dealing with these trolls is rather simple. Harass them with calls of "solid rear axle", and shout nonsensical phrases like "american muscle cars can't handle." This will stir the trolls into a massive fury, and they will quickly drive themselves to exhaustion, restoring peace and order to the forum. If you find yourself backed into a corner, you may make a mullet joke, or defend yourself with your Independent Rear Suspension. Mustang owner's are also allergic to caviar.
Special Case: From time to time, one may suggest that the V6 mustang offers similar performance to the Z, at $10,000 less. At this poinst, you must break from the standard Z owner line of "best performance for the buck" and claim "class" as the reason for the Z's superiority. It is also helpful to insult V6 Mustang owner's as feminine.
Porsche Fanboys:
Stick with the standard Nissan lingo here. We beat Porsche's at half the price. Simply put, real world track results mean absolutely nothing, and magazine tests mean everything.
Beat you in the slalom. Boom. Beat you in skidpad (in non-fuel starve direction). Boom. Beat you zero-to-sixty. Three strikes. You're out.
Don't listen if they make comments about your car overheating or fading brakes while on the track...who tracks cars anymore? In fact, who even drives them???? It's about comparing mag numbers on the internet, and let's face it...the Z wins it all.
BMW Fanboys:
These guys come in a couple of variants. We will discuss them separately.
Turbo Bimmer Drivers: Their motors blow up. 'nuff said.
M3: We can't compete on bang-for-buck, so compare Zeliminators absolute best time ever to a stock M3 mag time to demontrate superiority.
1M: Call it ugly. What else do you need? (wait, what do you mean it's turbo? I drive a Z, I would know if it was. Don't lie to me)
Z4:Quote top gear repeatedly.
Other bimmers: Call them douchebags, ask them how it feels to drive a boat.
Jeep SRT8 Drivers:
These guys can barely pull on a 5.0, so we can destroy them easily. Complain about how it is "cheating" to use AWD to launch, and insist they turn it off when racing.
Subaru:
Same as above. If they won't turn off their AWD to make it fair, it's just not worth it.
|
