While I think the dealership did some things wrong, I think you are over reacting for the most part. I couldn't imagine bringing a car with 3000 miles on it to the dealer and complaining about a tiny piece of dirt on the back or swirl marks. I couldn't do it with a straight face.
The swirl marks you are speaking about are normal when you don't wash and dry the car properly. Nissan paint is soft, it would take a detailer a little time to get it perfect again, but nothing crazy. Wax on the black parts (trim)? Isopropyl alcohol takes that right off.
The rough feeling part by the paint is probably because that section should have been wetsanded but wasn't.
I understand you're frustrated by this, but I think everyone has a different definition of "showroom perfect". The condition the paint was in when I bought my Z was horrible, but something I could fix and have perfect in a day (I detail as a side job). Personally, I think EVERY car looks bad when bought new (yes, even high end cars).
Although, it is your car and everyone looks at their car differently. Best of luck getting nissan to fix it for you.
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