I ran into the same problem today too, well, i was doing it in a shop, and the guys in the shop was suggesting to knock it off, that scared the hell ouf of me, so I just called it off and paid that $75 labor and time for nothing, so next time what should I tell them to do? or anyone in the So cal region could help me do it?

I'm not sure what you are trying to say. Are you saying you were at a tire shop and they were trying to put on aftermarket rims and didn't know that they need to remove that bolt first?

It's a bolt with a spacer, it just unscrews. They should have been able to figure that out. Why do some mechanics insist on fixing everything with a hammer?

That bolt has some decent weight to it wont it throw the wheels off balance taking it off? how does your car feel at 80+mph does the wheel shake a little?

Your wheel is balanced by itself, they do not balance it on the car. :) As such it is never included in any balancing effort.

The bolt is close enough to the center or the rotor that I doubt its weight makes much difference.