The two mothers have never met.
Their sons graduated from Connetquot High School in June, played on the lacrosse team together and died in separate crashes while driving on the same stretch of a Ronkonkoma road.
For one mother, the pain is new and the grief is raw.
"I'm totally heartbroken," Tammy Giles said through heavy sobs Tuesday, a day after her son, Jayson Giles, 18, died while driving north on Ocean Avenue and slammed into a utility pole. "It's every parent's worst nightmare."
For the other mother, months have passed and she's managed to turn tragedy into something positive.
"I go forward and I celebrate Stan's life," said Lynn Hartnett, whose 18-year-old son died in July after crashing into a tree a quarter-mile from Giles' crash. "I can't curl up. I have to go on."
Tammy Giles said she worries about the toll her son's death will have on her other children: Charles, 22; Steven, just 11 months younger than Jayson; and Jennifer, 12, who won't come out of her room.
"We're all devastated," she said. "He was the life of the house. He was always doing crazy, funny things."
Yet those are the memories that will ease the pain, Hartnett said. Offering some advice for the Giles family, Hartnett said: "Stay strong, celebrate life. If I mourn, I feel like he's gone."
It's likely too soon to reach out to Tammy Giles, Hartnett said, but she plans to later. "I wouldn't want to infringe," she said. "I don't know how she's dealing with her grief."
Soon after Stan died, Hartnett got an e-mail from the mother of a teen who also died in a car crash. "I'm not walking next to you," the message said. "I'm walking in your shoes."
They've since become friends, Hartnett said, and her son's buddies have also been supportive. "In fact," she said, "I feel guilty about what I've gained through all of this."
Giles and Hartnett also share questions about how their sons died. Suffolk police said that road is mostly straight and isn't particularly dangerous.
Speed was likely a factor in Jayson Giles' crash, police said.
His mother said a condition for him getting a turbocharged 2004 Dodge Neon was that he always wear a seat belt. Police said he was wearing one when he crashed.
Jayson Giles punched out of work at 12:55 p.m., said Kimberly Fitzgerald, a secretary at Relations Auto and Collision, where he worked as a car cleaner. The crash occurred about five minutes later. "He pulled out of here and it happened," Fitzgerald, 28, said.
Grief counselors will be available for Connetquot High School students and staff this week, principal Joseph Licato said.
The Giles family will accept visitors tomorrow, 2 to 4 p.m. and 7 to 9 p.m. at Maloney Funeral Home in Ronkonkoma, with a funeral service to be held at 10 a.m. Friday, followed by burial at Mount Ararat Cemetery.
|
